Anyone else experiencing hair loss? Like, a LOT of hair loss?
It reminds me of after you've had a baby and after having your hair look so awesome during pregnancy, it all falls out. Makes me wonder, since it is the HCG hormone, is that why my hair is literally falling out at an alarming rate? Or do I need to be really worried?
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
Checking in
LIW: 138.4
Weight: 138.8
Weight is up from 137.6 yesterday, and 136.4 the day before. Clearly not a good trend, but I'm not TOO worried yet. I totally over-did it last week. Not just food-wise. I pulled 2 back-to-back all-nighters, and I'm sure that has to do damage somehow. Then yesterday I ate a kind of a lot of sweets. Hmmm, that's weird to me since it wasn't NEARLY as much as I normally would have eaten. I stopped after eating just 1 cookie after church (from the usual Father's day plate), then later I made oatmeal raisin cookie dough and had a couple spoon-fuls, and finally, 3 of those orange candy slices. I realize that is a lot... now. But I've never had the mentality before of treating yourself to just ONE cookie at the end of the day, maybe once a week. One cookie was like nothing to me. I'd eat them like potato chips. And I ate potato chips in an unhealthy way as well! Yeah, I know - it's a mystery how I gained so much weight, right? :)
Anyway, it's really a big wake-up call at how much work I still have left to do to re-program. I just wish I had a realistic idea of what healthy is. And realistic healthy at that. Anyone know? Anyone?
Weight: 138.8
Weight is up from 137.6 yesterday, and 136.4 the day before. Clearly not a good trend, but I'm not TOO worried yet. I totally over-did it last week. Not just food-wise. I pulled 2 back-to-back all-nighters, and I'm sure that has to do damage somehow. Then yesterday I ate a kind of a lot of sweets. Hmmm, that's weird to me since it wasn't NEARLY as much as I normally would have eaten. I stopped after eating just 1 cookie after church (from the usual Father's day plate), then later I made oatmeal raisin cookie dough and had a couple spoon-fuls, and finally, 3 of those orange candy slices. I realize that is a lot... now. But I've never had the mentality before of treating yourself to just ONE cookie at the end of the day, maybe once a week. One cookie was like nothing to me. I'd eat them like potato chips. And I ate potato chips in an unhealthy way as well! Yeah, I know - it's a mystery how I gained so much weight, right? :)
Anyway, it's really a big wake-up call at how much work I still have left to do to re-program. I just wish I had a realistic idea of what healthy is. And realistic healthy at that. Anyone know? Anyone?
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
M9
LIW: 138.2
Weight: 138.8
Overnight: 0.0
Well, it seems all those apples didn't count against me. Good thing. I think the painful gas & bloating was/is punishment enough!
Weight: 138.8
Overnight: 0.0
Well, it seems all those apples didn't count against me. Good thing. I think the painful gas & bloating was/is punishment enough!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
M8
LIW: 138.2
Weight: 138.8
Overnight: -0.2
I think I just figured something out. I've been stressing all day over how crappy I feel. I thought I waaaaayyyy over-did it last night. But then I went down on the scale. I considered doing a steak day just in case, but then I was too hungry. Then I decided I was feeling bloaty and munchy and craving chocolate because I'm probably close to starting my period. So all day I've been trying to not eat a lot. I finished the stuff I gorged myself on last night - a squash/zucchini/tomato & corn saute w/ cheese. Maybe 1 cup worth. Then I set in on the Xocai. Ate 6. Felt like a criminal. Mind you, these "chocolates" are made with agave nectar, so the sugar isn't refined - it's actually diabetic friendly - even helpful. And it has more antioxidants than I could get eating only broccoli for the next 2 weeks. So it's not like they're bad. They're not. But they taste good. And they have some calories. So I feel guilty. So then I start in on the dried apple pieces. And keep going. And going. And going. Until I finally realized tonight that in a little more than 24 hrs I have consumed an entire #10-can's worth of dried apples. That's the equivalent of 4.5 lbs fresh, sliced apples. Uhhh...
So I'm an idiot.
I couldn't figure out why I was cramping so bad, but not in a menstrual way. Or why I was having such gas pain. Or why I'm constantly running to the bathroom.
Duh.
I did some online research. Turns out there are a lot of people wondering if it's possible to eat too many apples. The general consensus is "no," but you may get a stomach-ache from all the acids and tannins. And lots of gas. And diarrhea.
...
I'm an idiot.
Weight: 138.8
Overnight: -0.2
I think I just figured something out. I've been stressing all day over how crappy I feel. I thought I waaaaayyyy over-did it last night. But then I went down on the scale. I considered doing a steak day just in case, but then I was too hungry. Then I decided I was feeling bloaty and munchy and craving chocolate because I'm probably close to starting my period. So all day I've been trying to not eat a lot. I finished the stuff I gorged myself on last night - a squash/zucchini/tomato & corn saute w/ cheese. Maybe 1 cup worth. Then I set in on the Xocai. Ate 6. Felt like a criminal. Mind you, these "chocolates" are made with agave nectar, so the sugar isn't refined - it's actually diabetic friendly - even helpful. And it has more antioxidants than I could get eating only broccoli for the next 2 weeks. So it's not like they're bad. They're not. But they taste good. And they have some calories. So I feel guilty. So then I start in on the dried apple pieces. And keep going. And going. And going. Until I finally realized tonight that in a little more than 24 hrs I have consumed an entire #10-can's worth of dried apples. That's the equivalent of 4.5 lbs fresh, sliced apples. Uhhh...
So I'm an idiot.
I couldn't figure out why I was cramping so bad, but not in a menstrual way. Or why I was having such gas pain. Or why I'm constantly running to the bathroom.
Duh.
I did some online research. Turns out there are a lot of people wondering if it's possible to eat too many apples. The general consensus is "no," but you may get a stomach-ache from all the acids and tannins. And lots of gas. And diarrhea.
...
I'm an idiot.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Blasted
Man! Did it again. I over-ate. Not like I'm eating horrible junk - I'm just still eating too much. I eat until I hurt, and even then I still want to eat more!
Ah! How do I temper this? I like food. I really, really like food. And I'm totally getting the munchies. And I can't wait to start eating carbs again. Did I fail on this? Is my hypothalamus still out of whack? Or am I causing it to stay out of whack? I hate the idea that I may be sabotaging my success. Wouldn't be the first time.
Ah! How do I temper this? I like food. I really, really like food. And I'm totally getting the munchies. And I can't wait to start eating carbs again. Did I fail on this? Is my hypothalamus still out of whack? Or am I causing it to stay out of whack? I hate the idea that I may be sabotaging my success. Wouldn't be the first time.
M7
LIW: 138.2
Weight: 139.0
Overnight: 0.0/+0.6
Well that's good. Last night, which was actually early this morning, I had a pretty hefty meal. Of course, I didn't eat all that much during the day, so I figured it'd be okay. Interesting - I ate a salad yesterday. A LOT of salad. You know those Fresh Express bags of Caesar Salad? Yup. Minus the croutons I ate the entire thing. All by myself. Whole thing. Of course, I wasn't able to eat for quite a while after that. And then I ended up spending a good deal of my day in the bathroom. Something I don't quite understand - before the diet (and now I guess after as well) when I'd eat a lot of salad I'd need to stay close to the potty. During the diet that wasn't the case. At all. And I was eating salads almost the entire 1st half. And now I'm back to like it was before. Weird.
Weight: 139.0
Overnight: 0.0/+0.6
Well that's good. Last night, which was actually early this morning, I had a pretty hefty meal. Of course, I didn't eat all that much during the day, so I figured it'd be okay. Interesting - I ate a salad yesterday. A LOT of salad. You know those Fresh Express bags of Caesar Salad? Yup. Minus the croutons I ate the entire thing. All by myself. Whole thing. Of course, I wasn't able to eat for quite a while after that. And then I ended up spending a good deal of my day in the bathroom. Something I don't quite understand - before the diet (and now I guess after as well) when I'd eat a lot of salad I'd need to stay close to the potty. During the diet that wasn't the case. At all. And I was eating salads almost the entire 1st half. And now I'm back to like it was before. Weird.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
M6
LIW: 138.2
Weight: 139.0/138.4
Overnight: +1.4/+0.8
Ummm, again, confusing. Once again a shower rinses off more than odor! So I don't know what is really accurate, but I don't really care. I was prepared for another steak day today. Not because I cheated or anything. Just, last night I ate too much. It was only soup and salad, but I still ate too much. I could feel it. I really want to be careful and watch it with that. I don't want to lose that sensitivity from my body when I've had enough. Honestly, I have to re-train myself. It's crazy. But I also need to do this for my kids' sake as well. I don't want them to have to go through this when they're older!
Weight: 139.0/138.4
Overnight: +1.4/+0.8
Ummm, again, confusing. Once again a shower rinses off more than odor! So I don't know what is really accurate, but I don't really care. I was prepared for another steak day today. Not because I cheated or anything. Just, last night I ate too much. It was only soup and salad, but I still ate too much. I could feel it. I really want to be careful and watch it with that. I don't want to lose that sensitivity from my body when I've had enough. Honestly, I have to re-train myself. It's crazy. But I also need to do this for my kids' sake as well. I don't want them to have to go through this when they're older!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
M5
LIW: 138.2
Weight: 137.6
Overnight: -0.2
Uhhhh.... don't know how that happened. Seriously. Yesterday I didn't eat a whole lot, because I knew I was taking Mark out for his birthday. And I hadn't really decided whether or not I was going to cheat... until I looked at the menu! I was still really good - didn't eat breading, didn't overeat, but then I had dessert. Chocolate PB pie. And some of Mark's Vanilla bean cheesecake. "Some" being maybe 1/3? hehe.
Anyway, I even made a trip to the market afterwards to buy steak in preparation for my inevitable steak day, and possibly 2 steak days.
And yet I went down? This diet is so confusing. Anyway, I still intend to repent and be good. But yeah, that was weird.
Weight: 137.6
Overnight: -0.2
Uhhhh.... don't know how that happened. Seriously. Yesterday I didn't eat a whole lot, because I knew I was taking Mark out for his birthday. And I hadn't really decided whether or not I was going to cheat... until I looked at the menu! I was still really good - didn't eat breading, didn't overeat, but then I had dessert. Chocolate PB pie. And some of Mark's Vanilla bean cheesecake. "Some" being maybe 1/3? hehe.
Anyway, I even made a trip to the market afterwards to buy steak in preparation for my inevitable steak day, and possibly 2 steak days.
And yet I went down? This diet is so confusing. Anyway, I still intend to repent and be good. But yeah, that was weird.
Friday, May 28, 2010
M4
LIW: 138.2
Weight: 137.8
Overnight: -0.4
Well, that's good. Going down. I checked my calories yesterday and I had indeed done better - even after consuming 4 servings of the SF/FF choc pudding again! This time I was just smarter in my spreading meals out so I wasn't stuffing myself. Tried listening to my stomach instead of my tongue. I realized I really have a problem with wanting to finish what's on my plate/bowl/etc. If it's there, I feel like I should be able to eat it. Starting to think maybe we should invest in smaller dishes. I mean, our 11" dinner plates really don't encourage smaller portions. Actually, I went to a child nutrition seminar once where they talked about this very thing. They were saying the daily amount of juice kids should drink is 6 oz, yet we give them 16 oz tumblers. Of course they're going to feel cheated if we don't fill it up. And going back to Mary's mom's motto: presentation is everything.
Hmmm, maybe I need to visit Ikea? :)
Weight: 137.8
Overnight: -0.4
Well, that's good. Going down. I checked my calories yesterday and I had indeed done better - even after consuming 4 servings of the SF/FF choc pudding again! This time I was just smarter in my spreading meals out so I wasn't stuffing myself. Tried listening to my stomach instead of my tongue. I realized I really have a problem with wanting to finish what's on my plate/bowl/etc. If it's there, I feel like I should be able to eat it. Starting to think maybe we should invest in smaller dishes. I mean, our 11" dinner plates really don't encourage smaller portions. Actually, I went to a child nutrition seminar once where they talked about this very thing. They were saying the daily amount of juice kids should drink is 6 oz, yet we give them 16 oz tumblers. Of course they're going to feel cheated if we don't fill it up. And going back to Mary's mom's motto: presentation is everything.
Hmmm, maybe I need to visit Ikea? :)
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Pix
Okay, because I've been feeling down I figured it was time for another quick pic-me-up.
Whoa. I feel better. You?
Whoa. I feel better. You?
M3
LIW: 138.2
Weight: 138.2
Overnight: -1.4
Okay, was I supposed to lose the 2.2 lbs? or just drop to my LIW? Don't get me wrong - I'm glad I at least dropped! Especially after how crappy I felt last night. ... But I thought I'd lose the 2+ I had gained. :(
So I'm also confused on calories. Now I know why I've never bothered counting them before - it's too dang difficult! First I listed everything I'd eaten. Then I looked at serving sizes & calories on the packages and added them up. But some things didn't have that on the package. So I went online and found a calorie-counting tracker thingy. I put everything in, but suddenly my calories were WAY higher than what I'd calculated. I was still surprised at the 2.2 gain, but still. So which one do I go with? Aargh. And I didn't even eat junk. The worst was the choc. pudding, and that was SF and FF! Good grief! I'm really discouraged to think about how little "real" food I should eat when all this is over. Heavens! No wonder I was overweight!
Weight: 138.2
Overnight: -1.4
Okay, was I supposed to lose the 2.2 lbs? or just drop to my LIW? Don't get me wrong - I'm glad I at least dropped! Especially after how crappy I felt last night. ... But I thought I'd lose the 2+ I had gained. :(
So I'm also confused on calories. Now I know why I've never bothered counting them before - it's too dang difficult! First I listed everything I'd eaten. Then I looked at serving sizes & calories on the packages and added them up. But some things didn't have that on the package. So I went online and found a calorie-counting tracker thingy. I put everything in, but suddenly my calories were WAY higher than what I'd calculated. I was still surprised at the 2.2 gain, but still. So which one do I go with? Aargh. And I didn't even eat junk. The worst was the choc. pudding, and that was SF and FF! Good grief! I'm really discouraged to think about how little "real" food I should eat when all this is over. Heavens! No wonder I was overweight!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
M2
LIW: 138.2
Weight: 139.6
Overnight: +2.2 (!!)
Oops.
Oops.
Double oops.
Apparently I kinda sorta maybe a little bit over-did it yesterday... I guess.
Oops.
I started out doing so well. My downfall was that stinkin' pudding! I made some of that FF/SF choc pudding with the intent of eating it after dinner. Thing is, I was already full from dinner. But I just had it in my head that I was going to get to eat my pudding. And then I thought it would be yummier w/ a banana sliced into it. And then I decided I couldn't get enough. Even though my stomach was literally HURTING the whole time. So stupid.
-
Okay, so the upside of this is that I get to eat a huge steak tonight. Downside is that I'm STARVING in the meantime! Blast!
-
Sooooooo, the paper said to eat a "huge" steak. I took it at it's word. Huge. Now I feel bloated and yucky and awful.
If I go up tomorrow...
Weight: 139.6
Overnight: +2.2 (!!)
Oops.
Oops.
Double oops.
Apparently I kinda sorta maybe a little bit over-did it yesterday... I guess.
Oops.
I started out doing so well. My downfall was that stinkin' pudding! I made some of that FF/SF choc pudding with the intent of eating it after dinner. Thing is, I was already full from dinner. But I just had it in my head that I was going to get to eat my pudding. And then I thought it would be yummier w/ a banana sliced into it. And then I decided I couldn't get enough. Even though my stomach was literally HURTING the whole time. So stupid.
-
Okay, so the upside of this is that I get to eat a huge steak tonight. Downside is that I'm STARVING in the meantime! Blast!
-
Sooooooo, the paper said to eat a "huge" steak. I took it at it's word. Huge. Now I feel bloated and yucky and awful.
If I go up tomorrow...
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
M1
LIW: 138.2
Weight: 137.2
Overnight: +1.0
Well, I figured it was some kind of fluke yesterday! Nice though. But I'm okay with the gain. Somehow I don't actually think it will last. Yesterday I didn't really eat until dinner, and then I over-did it. And I felt it. I don't want to do that again. Even this morning - it didn't take much at all for me to feel full. Stuffed, really. So I'm going to be careful not to do that.
However,
I have read (from Pounds & Inches) that this is not the time to try to skimp on calories. Right now is when my body is establishing my metabolism - how many calories to burn per day. If I skimp right now I'll be setting my "burn rate" pretty low. Then if I don't keep it low I'll gain. On the other hand, if I am reasonable, as long as I don't go over the 2 lbs, then I'll be establishing a calorie/day that I can continue and live with -- my best chance to keep this weight off.
BTW, I'm taking a cue from Marilyn and not listing my food - on here anyway. I think that would be too mean to anyone on protocol. But I am going to try really hard to keep track of calories. Not sure yet how I'll manage that. We'll see.
Weight: 137.2
Overnight: +1.0
Well, I figured it was some kind of fluke yesterday! Nice though. But I'm okay with the gain. Somehow I don't actually think it will last. Yesterday I didn't really eat until dinner, and then I over-did it. And I felt it. I don't want to do that again. Even this morning - it didn't take much at all for me to feel full. Stuffed, really. So I'm going to be careful not to do that.
However,
I have read (from Pounds & Inches) that this is not the time to try to skimp on calories. Right now is when my body is establishing my metabolism - how many calories to burn per day. If I skimp right now I'll be setting my "burn rate" pretty low. Then if I don't keep it low I'll gain. On the other hand, if I am reasonable, as long as I don't go over the 2 lbs, then I'll be establishing a calorie/day that I can continue and live with -- my best chance to keep this weight off.
BTW, I'm taking a cue from Marilyn and not listing my food - on here anyway. I think that would be too mean to anyone on protocol. But I am going to try really hard to keep track of calories. Not sure yet how I'll manage that. We'll see.
Monday, May 24, 2010
B-Ki
Just got back from B-Ki. They gave me an appt even without scheduling. Gotta say, the ladies there are really nice. I really like Heather. She's been on the diet - about the same schedule I was on. She was really helpful and really encouraging.
Anyway, final tally for inches lost is 64.5"!! Of course, that's cumulative -- measuring in 13 different areas: neck, arm, axilla, rib cage, above belly-button, below bb, hips, butt, upper thigh, mid thigh, knee, calf, & ankle.
So to be more accurate, I asked them for a copy of the measurement page. Here are the results:
Area/Before/After:
Neck: 14.5 - 12.5
Arm: 14.5 - 10.5
Axilla: 39 - 33.5
Rib Cage: 35 - 30.5
Above BB: 40 - 30
Below BB: 43 - 39.5
At BB: 41 - 32
Hips: 47 - 41.5
Butt: 43.5 - 41.5
Upper Thigh: 28 - 22.5
Mid Thigh: 23 - 19
Knee: 20 - 14.5
Calf: 16 - 13.5
Ankle: 9.5 - 8
Total lost 64.5"!!
I will have to post my pre- and post- swimsuit pics soon. Maybe I should go tanning first? :)
Anyway, final tally for inches lost is 64.5"!! Of course, that's cumulative -- measuring in 13 different areas: neck, arm, axilla, rib cage, above belly-button, below bb, hips, butt, upper thigh, mid thigh, knee, calf, & ankle.
So to be more accurate, I asked them for a copy of the measurement page. Here are the results:
Area/Before/After:
Neck: 14.5 - 12.5
Arm: 14.5 - 10.5
Axilla: 39 - 33.5
Rib Cage: 35 - 30.5
Above BB: 40 - 30
Below BB: 43 - 39.5
At BB: 41 - 32
Hips: 47 - 41.5
Butt: 43.5 - 41.5
Upper Thigh: 28 - 22.5
Mid Thigh: 23 - 19
Knee: 20 - 14.5
Calf: 16 - 13.5
Ankle: 9.5 - 8
Total lost 64.5"!!
I will have to post my pre- and post- swimsuit pics soon. Maybe I should go tanning first? :)
Day 36a
Weight: 136.4
Overnight: -1.8
Overall: -42.6
B: none
L: apple
S: dried apple bites
D: grilled chicken (more than 100g, but I don't know how much), cooked broccoli (more than a cup, not sure how much)
*had 6 Xocai today
Uhhh, don't know where that came from!! But I'll sure take it!
Last day of protocol. Yay! And soooo grateful to go down on the last day. Almost makes me want to reconsider going a little longer? ...haha, almost. Going to try to get in at B-Ki today. I'm not even going to call - I'll just pop in. Every time I've been there they're not doing anything, so hey, might as well!
Really, really grateful for all the support and encouragement I've received. I honestly don't think this is a diet/journey that can or should be accomplished on your own. It's too hard. There's too much emotional baggage that goes along with it. I'm almost glad I didn't know that when I started -- I might have been too chicken to start. And regardless of what happens now, I'm really glad I did this. Almost 43 lbs! Actually, more than that - I know on here I start from 179, but really I was up to 181 a couple days before.
That said...
I'm excited to start maintenance tomorrow! Hooray! I miss CHEESE!
Overnight: -1.8
Overall: -42.6
B: none
L: apple
S: dried apple bites
D: grilled chicken (more than 100g, but I don't know how much), cooked broccoli (more than a cup, not sure how much)
*had 6 Xocai today
Uhhh, don't know where that came from!! But I'll sure take it!
Last day of protocol. Yay! And soooo grateful to go down on the last day. Almost makes me want to reconsider going a little longer? ...haha, almost. Going to try to get in at B-Ki today. I'm not even going to call - I'll just pop in. Every time I've been there they're not doing anything, so hey, might as well!
Really, really grateful for all the support and encouragement I've received. I honestly don't think this is a diet/journey that can or should be accomplished on your own. It's too hard. There's too much emotional baggage that goes along with it. I'm almost glad I didn't know that when I started -- I might have been too chicken to start. And regardless of what happens now, I'm really glad I did this. Almost 43 lbs! Actually, more than that - I know on here I start from 179, but really I was up to 181 a couple days before.
That said...
I'm excited to start maintenance tomorrow! Hooray! I miss CHEESE!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Day 35a
Weight: 138.2
Overnight: -0.2
Overall: 40.8
B: none
L: apple, grilled chicken bits
S: apple
D: apple
*had 6 Xocai today
Glad I went down, even just a little bit. Felt like last night I overly stuffed myself. Did not feel good at all. Still have anxiety about ending the diet - whether or not I can keep the weight off -, but I am too burned out to continue. Tomorrow hopefully I'll be able to get an impromptu appt with B-Ki.
Just got home from an OA (overeaters anonymous) meeting. They're always good. I'm just always terrified that I need to be there - like, on a more permanent basis - actually do the program: get a sponsor, practice the abstinence, eat the menu given, etc. And I don't know if I can do it. But I don't want to be one of those people I hear at the meetings that spiraled so out of control before they found OA . I guess, I'm just really scared that this weight came off "easily" and so it'll go back on just as fast. How do I combat this?
Overnight: -0.2
Overall: 40.8
B: none
L: apple, grilled chicken bits
S: apple
D: apple
*had 6 Xocai today
Glad I went down, even just a little bit. Felt like last night I overly stuffed myself. Did not feel good at all. Still have anxiety about ending the diet - whether or not I can keep the weight off -, but I am too burned out to continue. Tomorrow hopefully I'll be able to get an impromptu appt with B-Ki.
Just got home from an OA (overeaters anonymous) meeting. They're always good. I'm just always terrified that I need to be there - like, on a more permanent basis - actually do the program: get a sponsor, practice the abstinence, eat the menu given, etc. And I don't know if I can do it. But I don't want to be one of those people I hear at the meetings that spiraled so out of control before they found OA . I guess, I'm just really scared that this weight came off "easily" and so it'll go back on just as fast. How do I combat this?
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Day 34a
Weight: 138.4
Overnight: +0.2
Overall: -40.6
B: none
L: grilled chicken bits,
S: apple
D:
Boo. I'm going to stick with yesterday's weigh-in of 138.2 so that today I didn't go up quite so much. How depressing! I can't imagine why I'm GAINING weight. I didn't even eat any Xocai yesterday. Didn't go over on my food.
...
I don't get it. And I'm super frustrated. And this morning I took my kids to an activity where I watched them frost, decorate & eat yummy cupcakes and it was killing me. And when I got home I checked my email and had a note of concern from a friend. As far as the numbers go, this 2nd half hasn't been nearly as productive as the 1st. And now I'm moving in the wrong direction. Maybe my body really is burned out. My mind sure is. I left this morning before I had a chance to inject -- running late (as always!). So maybe this is a good time to call it quits? Call yesterday my LIW (last injection weight), and count today as the first of the 3 days after the last injection?
The only problem is that I went UP! I really don't want to end going up. But I'm afraid I might keep going up? AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
Overnight: +0.2
Overall: -40.6
B: none
L: grilled chicken bits,
S: apple
D:
Boo. I'm going to stick with yesterday's weigh-in of 138.2 so that today I didn't go up quite so much. How depressing! I can't imagine why I'm GAINING weight. I didn't even eat any Xocai yesterday. Didn't go over on my food.
...
I don't get it. And I'm super frustrated. And this morning I took my kids to an activity where I watched them frost, decorate & eat yummy cupcakes and it was killing me. And when I got home I checked my email and had a note of concern from a friend. As far as the numbers go, this 2nd half hasn't been nearly as productive as the 1st. And now I'm moving in the wrong direction. Maybe my body really is burned out. My mind sure is. I left this morning before I had a chance to inject -- running late (as always!). So maybe this is a good time to call it quits? Call yesterday my LIW (last injection weight), and count today as the first of the 3 days after the last injection?
The only problem is that I went UP! I really don't want to end going up. But I'm afraid I might keep going up? AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
Friday, May 21, 2010
Day 33a
Weight: 137.8/138.2
Overnight: +0.2/+0.6
Overall: ...uh...not sure
B: none
L: apple, grilled chicken
D: grilled chicken, pickle
S: apple
So. Time to pay the piper, huh? I guess there's a reason you shouldn't eat more than the diet allows. As for the weird weigh-in -- I weighed early this morning, before I was really ready to wake up. I do this a lot - kind of a "preview." Then I go back to sleep and do my official weigh-in when I'm actually up for the day. The 2nd weigh-in is almost always less, if not the same. Until today. Not sure how I gained 0.4 lbs by sleeping in!! Then again, I've lost weight taking a shower before, so who knows?!
Lisa, Marilyn, thank you for your comments. I really appreciate the support. I am burned out, for sure. It's a battle every day not to talk myself out of quitting early. "Early" meaning I still have needles and hcg I could use and choose not to. For me, the hardest part of this diet is the family factor. I'm still making meals for my kids; still trying to make dinner for the fam. Trying being the operative word. My low energy and high desires for food has equaled complete disruption to our schedule. It has been really hard on our family. Doesn't help in the battle of "should I or should I not continue?"
As for having the runs, I'm tossing around a theory in the back of my mind about this being all the junk that I didn't get out during the colonic because of my weird issue. Now that I'm using the castor oil, that's supposedly helping the problem and now maybe it's all coming out? ??? I did a whole lot of internet researching last night on castor oil, and everywhere I could find, it said if you take the capsules frozen (as I am), it will not act as a diuretic. Hmmm. Also says you won't have the tell-tale stomach cramping -- which I haven't. So, again, who knows?
Regardless, I am still mystified as to how I could possibly GAIN weight when I "evacuated" so dang much yesterday.
But I think if I keep thinking about all this my head is likely to explode. So I'd better stop. ;)
Overnight: +0.2/+0.6
Overall: ...uh...not sure
B: none
L: apple, grilled chicken
D: grilled chicken, pickle
S: apple
So. Time to pay the piper, huh? I guess there's a reason you shouldn't eat more than the diet allows. As for the weird weigh-in -- I weighed early this morning, before I was really ready to wake up. I do this a lot - kind of a "preview." Then I go back to sleep and do my official weigh-in when I'm actually up for the day. The 2nd weigh-in is almost always less, if not the same. Until today. Not sure how I gained 0.4 lbs by sleeping in!! Then again, I've lost weight taking a shower before, so who knows?!
Lisa, Marilyn, thank you for your comments. I really appreciate the support. I am burned out, for sure. It's a battle every day not to talk myself out of quitting early. "Early" meaning I still have needles and hcg I could use and choose not to. For me, the hardest part of this diet is the family factor. I'm still making meals for my kids; still trying to make dinner for the fam. Trying being the operative word. My low energy and high desires for food has equaled complete disruption to our schedule. It has been really hard on our family. Doesn't help in the battle of "should I or should I not continue?"
As for having the runs, I'm tossing around a theory in the back of my mind about this being all the junk that I didn't get out during the colonic because of my weird issue. Now that I'm using the castor oil, that's supposedly helping the problem and now maybe it's all coming out? ??? I did a whole lot of internet researching last night on castor oil, and everywhere I could find, it said if you take the capsules frozen (as I am), it will not act as a diuretic. Hmmm. Also says you won't have the tell-tale stomach cramping -- which I haven't. So, again, who knows?
Regardless, I am still mystified as to how I could possibly GAIN weight when I "evacuated" so dang much yesterday.
But I think if I keep thinking about all this my head is likely to explode. So I'd better stop. ;)
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Day 32a
Weight: 137.6
Overnight: -0.8
Overall: -41.4
B: none
S: apple
L: apple, grilled chicken
D: Heaven chicken, apple, Fresca, Xocai (3)
S: 1/2 apple, some dried apples
Didn't inject. Too late in the morning (I got a really late start). Oh well - that's just one day longer I can stretch this out! And I totally will seeing as I'm making progress! Almost a whole pound! That's fantastic! And I've been steadily losing for a few days in a row now! Although, I do have to wonder if it has a little something to do with the Xocai I'm taking. I shouldn't be eating it right now since it's not protocol-approved. It's dark chocolate that is fat-free, sugar-free and has so many health benefits it's crazy. It has an unbelievable/un-equalled amount of anti-oxidants, and my sister swears it's making her lose weight. BUT, her friend figures it probably prevented her from losing more weight when she was on this diet (I think this was the diet she was on - not positive). The facts are a little fuzzy. Anyway, 1 serving is 3 squares, which I've been eating for the last couple days. Yesterday, though, I ate 8! Whoops. I was just really munchy! And too lazy to cook my 2nd protein. In fact, the last few days I haven't had both my proteins. Wonder if THAT has anything to do with my losses?
Ah! Too many factors. I'll just be thankful and move on!
okay, I'm starving - mentally, physically, whatever. I don't know what it is, but I am just having such a major attack of the munchies - it's killing me! If I could just eat raw carrots I would, but I can't even do that. I've already gone over w/ my apples. Not happy to see how that will play out tomorrow morning. Although (WARNING: TMI), I have had the runs all day. ALL day. Starting to wonder if the caster oil is not such a good idea? Although, isn't it better to get it all out? Ach! Hate that I don't know everything!
Overnight: -0.8
Overall: -41.4
B: none
S: apple
L: apple, grilled chicken
D: Heaven chicken, apple, Fresca, Xocai (3)
S: 1/2 apple, some dried apples
Didn't inject. Too late in the morning (I got a really late start). Oh well - that's just one day longer I can stretch this out! And I totally will seeing as I'm making progress! Almost a whole pound! That's fantastic! And I've been steadily losing for a few days in a row now! Although, I do have to wonder if it has a little something to do with the Xocai I'm taking. I shouldn't be eating it right now since it's not protocol-approved. It's dark chocolate that is fat-free, sugar-free and has so many health benefits it's crazy. It has an unbelievable/un-equalled amount of anti-oxidants, and my sister swears it's making her lose weight. BUT, her friend figures it probably prevented her from losing more weight when she was on this diet (I think this was the diet she was on - not positive). The facts are a little fuzzy. Anyway, 1 serving is 3 squares, which I've been eating for the last couple days. Yesterday, though, I ate 8! Whoops. I was just really munchy! And too lazy to cook my 2nd protein. In fact, the last few days I haven't had both my proteins. Wonder if THAT has anything to do with my losses?
Ah! Too many factors. I'll just be thankful and move on!
okay, I'm starving - mentally, physically, whatever. I don't know what it is, but I am just having such a major attack of the munchies - it's killing me! If I could just eat raw carrots I would, but I can't even do that. I've already gone over w/ my apples. Not happy to see how that will play out tomorrow morning. Although (WARNING: TMI), I have had the runs all day. ALL day. Starting to wonder if the caster oil is not such a good idea? Although, isn't it better to get it all out? Ach! Hate that I don't know everything!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Day 31a
Weight: 138.4
Overnight: -0.6
Overall: -40.6
B: apple
L: squash/zucchini & tomato saute, apple
D: grilled chicken, Fresca, apple
Yay! Went down! And after the potty-breaks I've been taking today, I'm fairly certain it will go down tomorrow as well! Sorry if that was TMI.
So it's funny the difference between how I feel in the morning as opposed to at night. Last night I was ready to throw in the towel; this morning I'm wishing I could stay on the diet another month! Good thing I inject in the morning and not at night!! I think by the end of the day, after making meals all day, I just want to eat so much. So I start wishing I hadn't injected so I could be that much closer to maintenance (you have to continue the protocol diet for 72 hrs after your last injection). By morning, things look different. Breakfast isn't a big deal for me to skip - I usually sleep through it anyway. And that's when I weigh-in, so, assuming there's progress, I'm pumped and excited about losing.
ANYWAY.
Overnight: -0.6
Overall: -40.6
B: apple
L: squash/zucchini & tomato saute, apple
D: grilled chicken, Fresca, apple
Yay! Went down! And after the potty-breaks I've been taking today, I'm fairly certain it will go down tomorrow as well! Sorry if that was TMI.
So it's funny the difference between how I feel in the morning as opposed to at night. Last night I was ready to throw in the towel; this morning I'm wishing I could stay on the diet another month! Good thing I inject in the morning and not at night!! I think by the end of the day, after making meals all day, I just want to eat so much. So I start wishing I hadn't injected so I could be that much closer to maintenance (you have to continue the protocol diet for 72 hrs after your last injection). By morning, things look different. Breakfast isn't a big deal for me to skip - I usually sleep through it anyway. And that's when I weigh-in, so, assuming there's progress, I'm pumped and excited about losing.
ANYWAY.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Day 30a
Weight: 139.0
Overnight: 0.0
Overall: -40.0
B: none
S: apple
L: "Tea Party" (w/ my daughters): cooked chicken bites, oven-roasted squash/zucchini, Fresca
D: squash/zucchini & tomato saute, apple, Xocai (I know, not a smart move, but I'm hungry!!)
Okay, it could have been worse. It could have gone up. And I was afraid it might since I used some no-no sprays of oil to cook my food last night. Not much, but then, it doesn't take much. Plus I ate some Xocai chocolate. No sugar, but extra calories - although I didn't eat my 2nd protein. I don't know. Anyway, I'm just glad it didn't go up. I feel bad. Like I'm wasting my opportunity to lose by not being more strict. But honestly, I've been on this diet almost 70 days and that's with only an 8 day maintenance break in there. So, I am kinda getting burned out on it. Plus I'm 10 days past what I "paid for," so anything more is just because I'm trying to get more mileage out of it. But then if I waste it... ?
I need to stop thinking about it.
*Okay, about the Tea Party - it was a hoot to begin with, but really it taught me a lesson. I pulled out the fancy tea set from Grandma and made up a super cute luncheon for the girls, had my food, and then we all ate together. I was amazed that by the time I was half-way through my veggies I was feeling full. Maybe 'cause I was taking longer? Serving more, but smaller portions? I don't know, but for whatever the reason, I think there was a lesson in there somewhere. Like Mary's mom always says, "Presentation is EVERYTHING!"
Overnight: 0.0
Overall: -40.0
B: none
S: apple
L: "Tea Party" (w/ my daughters): cooked chicken bites, oven-roasted squash/zucchini, Fresca
D: squash/zucchini & tomato saute, apple, Xocai (I know, not a smart move, but I'm hungry!!)
Okay, it could have been worse. It could have gone up. And I was afraid it might since I used some no-no sprays of oil to cook my food last night. Not much, but then, it doesn't take much. Plus I ate some Xocai chocolate. No sugar, but extra calories - although I didn't eat my 2nd protein. I don't know. Anyway, I'm just glad it didn't go up. I feel bad. Like I'm wasting my opportunity to lose by not being more strict. But honestly, I've been on this diet almost 70 days and that's with only an 8 day maintenance break in there. So, I am kinda getting burned out on it. Plus I'm 10 days past what I "paid for," so anything more is just because I'm trying to get more mileage out of it. But then if I waste it... ?
I need to stop thinking about it.
*Okay, about the Tea Party - it was a hoot to begin with, but really it taught me a lesson. I pulled out the fancy tea set from Grandma and made up a super cute luncheon for the girls, had my food, and then we all ate together. I was amazed that by the time I was half-way through my veggies I was feeling full. Maybe 'cause I was taking longer? Serving more, but smaller portions? I don't know, but for whatever the reason, I think there was a lesson in there somewhere. Like Mary's mom always says, "Presentation is EVERYTHING!"
Monday, May 17, 2010
Day 29a
Weight: 139.0
Overnight: -1.0
Overall: -40.0
B: none
L: apple
D: chicken, squash/zucchini & tomato saute (all cooked with little sprays of pam)
S: apple
Back down. Good thing! I was worried that all those dried apples last night would have a bad effect. Mostly because I can't really judge how much I've eaten in comparison to a "medium-sized apple." Whew!
Forgot to inject this morning. Well, not so much forgot as slept in and had to rush out the door to get Andrea to school, then went marketing. By the time I got home it was way too late. Oh well. Wow, so I'm really lazy. I'd like to eat something, but I just don't want to fix it. I realized as I was at the store today that I'd reach for something, then think about the preservatives & junk in it and how I could avoid that by just making it from scratch. So I'd put it back. Problem is, I'm too lazy to make everything from scratch. Blast! Something I really need to change if I'm going to change our family eating habits.
Overnight: -1.0
Overall: -40.0
B: none
L: apple
D: chicken, squash/zucchini & tomato saute (all cooked with little sprays of pam)
S: apple
Back down. Good thing! I was worried that all those dried apples last night would have a bad effect. Mostly because I can't really judge how much I've eaten in comparison to a "medium-sized apple." Whew!
Forgot to inject this morning. Well, not so much forgot as slept in and had to rush out the door to get Andrea to school, then went marketing. By the time I got home it was way too late. Oh well. Wow, so I'm really lazy. I'd like to eat something, but I just don't want to fix it. I realized as I was at the store today that I'd reach for something, then think about the preservatives & junk in it and how I could avoid that by just making it from scratch. So I'd put it back. Problem is, I'm too lazy to make everything from scratch. Blast! Something I really need to change if I'm going to change our family eating habits.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Day 28a
Weight: 140.0
Overnight: +0.8
Overall: -39.0
B: none
L: dried apples, broccoli
D: grilled chicken, apple
S: dried apples
Boo! Lame to go up, but I'm not stressing. I was up this morning a lot earlier than normal (due to 9am church), so I'm chalking it up to an earlier weigh-in. And yes, I have noticed that it makes a difference.
Talked to my friend who started protocol today - yay! A suffering buddy! Haha, j/k. Sorta. It is a lot easier to do it, though, when you have someone else to commiserate with. And to share success with. Really, this blog has been my life-support-line for this whole diet. I highly recommend it to anyone hcg-ing.
In other news... oh wait, there is no other news! Although I did want to comment on our jaunt to the park last night. It was a potluck, and I figured (rightly) it would be easiest to just eat first instead of bring something. What could I even bring? Anyway, so we ate first. I figured the kids would just want to play anyway, which they did. GOOD THING! The food there was incredible! I was seriously amazed. And then someone showed up with pizza. Ah! But you know what? As I was looking past the pizza at the chocolate/cherry brownie cake & the homemade peach pie, for a split second I was about to grab a slice. Then I remembered I wasn't eating that. And in that same moment that I thought I'd mourn, I didn't. It was weird. It wasn't a big deal. For the first time ever. Not going to bank on this, but I'm pretty sure that's progress. Let's hope it lasts!
Overnight: +0.8
Overall: -39.0
B: none
L: dried apples, broccoli
D: grilled chicken, apple
S: dried apples
Boo! Lame to go up, but I'm not stressing. I was up this morning a lot earlier than normal (due to 9am church), so I'm chalking it up to an earlier weigh-in. And yes, I have noticed that it makes a difference.
Talked to my friend who started protocol today - yay! A suffering buddy! Haha, j/k. Sorta. It is a lot easier to do it, though, when you have someone else to commiserate with. And to share success with. Really, this blog has been my life-support-line for this whole diet. I highly recommend it to anyone hcg-ing.
In other news... oh wait, there is no other news! Although I did want to comment on our jaunt to the park last night. It was a potluck, and I figured (rightly) it would be easiest to just eat first instead of bring something. What could I even bring? Anyway, so we ate first. I figured the kids would just want to play anyway, which they did. GOOD THING! The food there was incredible! I was seriously amazed. And then someone showed up with pizza. Ah! But you know what? As I was looking past the pizza at the chocolate/cherry brownie cake & the homemade peach pie, for a split second I was about to grab a slice. Then I remembered I wasn't eating that. And in that same moment that I thought I'd mourn, I didn't. It was weird. It wasn't a big deal. For the first time ever. Not going to bank on this, but I'm pretty sure that's progress. Let's hope it lasts!
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Day 27a
Weight: 139.2
Overnight: -0.8
Overall: -39.8
B: apple
L: dried apple slices
D: grilled sirloin, broccoli
S: broccoli
YYYYYYYAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!
I'm FINALLY in the 130s! Okay, just barely, but still! Hooray! Last night I actually had to go to the store and get some new pants since I officially don't have any that fit! Size 10 baby! Oh yeah. I look smokin' hot in them, too!
By the way, I have no size 10 because I sorta skipped this size. I went from 8 to pregnant and didn't get back before I was pregnant again. And while I do have sweats and all, I do live in Texas and it is summer and, well, you get the idea.
Anyway, this totally gives me enthusiasm to finish out the rest of what I have left. Because, oh yeah, did I mention? Also on my period. And still lost. !! Of course, I realize that by saying this I am completely setting myself up for another huge plateau and mega disappointment. Hmmm. Oh well. I'll deal with it when I get there, but for right now I am definitely celebrating!
Overnight: -0.8
Overall: -39.8
B: apple
L: dried apple slices
D: grilled sirloin, broccoli
S: broccoli
YYYYYYYAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!
I'm FINALLY in the 130s! Okay, just barely, but still! Hooray! Last night I actually had to go to the store and get some new pants since I officially don't have any that fit! Size 10 baby! Oh yeah. I look smokin' hot in them, too!
By the way, I have no size 10 because I sorta skipped this size. I went from 8 to pregnant and didn't get back before I was pregnant again. And while I do have sweats and all, I do live in Texas and it is summer and, well, you get the idea.
Anyway, this totally gives me enthusiasm to finish out the rest of what I have left. Because, oh yeah, did I mention? Also on my period. And still lost. !! Of course, I realize that by saying this I am completely setting myself up for another huge plateau and mega disappointment. Hmmm. Oh well. I'll deal with it when I get there, but for right now I am definitely celebrating!
Friday, May 14, 2010
Day 26a
Weight: 140.0
Overnight: -0.6
Overall: -39.0
B: none
L: apple
S: apple
D: broccoli
So.... yesterday didn't quite work out the way I'd imagined. I didn't inject, but you still have to wait 72 hrs before eating the maintenance-allowed foods. Even then, sugar & starches are still taboo. So with all the best intentions, I took Angela to lunch at Chili's. What's that saying? "The road to hell is paved with good intentions."
I just ordered a salad! Riiight. If only it were that simple. Turns out the BBQ Chicken Salad has 1060 calories, 63g fat, 50g carbs.
Ummm, yeah.
So I promptly went home and puked it all up.
Ok. I don't intend to make this a habit. Really. I truly was in pain, though. It wasn't a smart move. Oh, but did it ever taste good!
Point being, it was still more cals than I was allowed in 2 days. Not to mention the carbs! So I purged and then just didn't eat anything else the rest of the day. Just in case.
And apparently it worked, because I did go down. 140! Hooray! That's enough to keep me going through the rest of my syringes.
So, back on the wagon. Injected today. Eating my apples. Skipped lunch, but only because I got distracted w/ company. I'm a little sad I won't be eating regularly for that much longer. This diet is really disrupting family meals and therefore the kids' routines.
Sorry, kiddos. Hang in there - Mom is almost done.
Overnight: -0.6
Overall: -39.0
B: none
L: apple
S: apple
D: broccoli
So.... yesterday didn't quite work out the way I'd imagined. I didn't inject, but you still have to wait 72 hrs before eating the maintenance-allowed foods. Even then, sugar & starches are still taboo. So with all the best intentions, I took Angela to lunch at Chili's. What's that saying? "The road to hell is paved with good intentions."
I just ordered a salad! Riiight. If only it were that simple. Turns out the BBQ Chicken Salad has 1060 calories, 63g fat, 50g carbs.
Ummm, yeah.
So I promptly went home and puked it all up.
Ok. I don't intend to make this a habit. Really. I truly was in pain, though. It wasn't a smart move. Oh, but did it ever taste good!
Point being, it was still more cals than I was allowed in 2 days. Not to mention the carbs! So I purged and then just didn't eat anything else the rest of the day. Just in case.
And apparently it worked, because I did go down. 140! Hooray! That's enough to keep me going through the rest of my syringes.
So, back on the wagon. Injected today. Eating my apples. Skipped lunch, but only because I got distracted w/ company. I'm a little sad I won't be eating regularly for that much longer. This diet is really disrupting family meals and therefore the kids' routines.
Sorry, kiddos. Hang in there - Mom is almost done.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Day 25a
Weight: 140.6
Overnight: -0.8
Overall: -38.4
B: none
L:
D:
Finally! Still not going to inject today. But maybe I won't cheat. I was sorta planning to. Today is Angela's birthday and she is really in need of some cheering up. I'd planned to get some of her fav comfort foods - Spring Creek bread, Chili's lava choc cake, etc. And if I happened to try some...
Well, not anymore. I didn't cheat for my birthday. It'd be lame to cheat for someone else's! And I really, really want to get to the 30s. But I also can't stay on this forever. It is really hurting my kids that I don't make meals for them. Mark steps up sometimes, but not enough. And it's just too hard to make meals I can't eat every single night.
So on a more personal note ---
(and yes, this will probably be TMI for anyone reading!)
one of the reasons I originally was desperate to lose weight was to try to get my husband's attention - sexually. I know, I know - if he's not interested it wasn't because of me or my weight. At least, there were other factors in play. But it's hard to feel sexy and seductive when you hate your body AND you're getting ignored. Throw in pre-existing self-esteem issues and depression and you've got yourself one down lady.
So did I really think losing weight was the answer? Yes and no. No, it's not going to fix problems with Mark. In fact, if it did it would probably make me mad. But yes in the regard that me feeling better about myself enables me to be proactive about problems. And when other guys check me out I get the validation I haven't been getting from my husband. And finally, I feel like Mark has something to be jealous about.
I used to wear my wedding ring whenever I left the house (I take it off at home a lot because it's tight). But I would ALWAYS wear it out of the house because I wanted people to know that even if I was a big fat mess I was still "wanted" - or at least had been at one point - because I was married and therefore claimed. Pathetic, I know. But really, that was where I was. BTW, Mark never wears his wedding ring. He can't at work for safety issues, but hasn't otherwise for the last 6.5 years. (We've been married 7.5)
Anyway, I finally feel like I could go out ring-less and feel just as confident walking around the store as I did with my rock on. Obviously this involves a whole lot more issues than just weight, but the point right now is that I am feeling so much better about myself. I am sooooo grateful for that. This really has restored a lot of self-confidence. And you know what? I do have self-control. I've been eating 500 calories/day for over 60 days now. That's hard. That takes control. It takes a lot of discipline and requires a lot of mental work. Maybe I am stronger than I give myself credit. So the point of all this --
last night I put on a slinky nightie w/ black lace panties from my early married days. Mind you, when I got married I don't know how much I weighed, but it had to be in the low 120s. I lost a lot right before my wedding and I looked awesome. Of course, I immediately put it back on plus some with the ensuing stress. But that's a different story.
ANYWAY... they fit. Snugly. And they were some of my bigger stuff, but they fit. I was amazed. And I felt sexy. And it was for me. Not Mark.
I think I've turned a corner.
Overnight: -0.8
Overall: -38.4
B: none
L:
D:
Finally! Still not going to inject today. But maybe I won't cheat. I was sorta planning to. Today is Angela's birthday and she is really in need of some cheering up. I'd planned to get some of her fav comfort foods - Spring Creek bread, Chili's lava choc cake, etc. And if I happened to try some...
Well, not anymore. I didn't cheat for my birthday. It'd be lame to cheat for someone else's! And I really, really want to get to the 30s. But I also can't stay on this forever. It is really hurting my kids that I don't make meals for them. Mark steps up sometimes, but not enough. And it's just too hard to make meals I can't eat every single night.
So on a more personal note ---
(and yes, this will probably be TMI for anyone reading!)
one of the reasons I originally was desperate to lose weight was to try to get my husband's attention - sexually. I know, I know - if he's not interested it wasn't because of me or my weight. At least, there were other factors in play. But it's hard to feel sexy and seductive when you hate your body AND you're getting ignored. Throw in pre-existing self-esteem issues and depression and you've got yourself one down lady.
So did I really think losing weight was the answer? Yes and no. No, it's not going to fix problems with Mark. In fact, if it did it would probably make me mad. But yes in the regard that me feeling better about myself enables me to be proactive about problems. And when other guys check me out I get the validation I haven't been getting from my husband. And finally, I feel like Mark has something to be jealous about.
I used to wear my wedding ring whenever I left the house (I take it off at home a lot because it's tight). But I would ALWAYS wear it out of the house because I wanted people to know that even if I was a big fat mess I was still "wanted" - or at least had been at one point - because I was married and therefore claimed. Pathetic, I know. But really, that was where I was. BTW, Mark never wears his wedding ring. He can't at work for safety issues, but hasn't otherwise for the last 6.5 years. (We've been married 7.5)
Anyway, I finally feel like I could go out ring-less and feel just as confident walking around the store as I did with my rock on. Obviously this involves a whole lot more issues than just weight, but the point right now is that I am feeling so much better about myself. I am sooooo grateful for that. This really has restored a lot of self-confidence. And you know what? I do have self-control. I've been eating 500 calories/day for over 60 days now. That's hard. That takes control. It takes a lot of discipline and requires a lot of mental work. Maybe I am stronger than I give myself credit. So the point of all this --
last night I put on a slinky nightie w/ black lace panties from my early married days. Mind you, when I got married I don't know how much I weighed, but it had to be in the low 120s. I lost a lot right before my wedding and I looked awesome. Of course, I immediately put it back on plus some with the ensuing stress. But that's a different story.
ANYWAY... they fit. Snugly. And they were some of my bigger stuff, but they fit. I was amazed. And I felt sexy. And it was for me. Not Mark.
I think I've turned a corner.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Day 24a
Weight: 141.4
Overnight: -0.6
Overall: -37.6
B: apple
L: grilled chicken salad w/ tomatoes & WF dressing, apple
D: grilled chicken, apple
Went ahead and did another injection. Wasn't going to. But since I lost... Then I had lunch and remembered how sick of the no-cal dressing I am. And spending all day at the zoo w/ my kiddos munching on all sorts of fun snacks I packed them and me sipping on my yummy... water. Mmmmm. Ah! this is killing me!
Overnight: -0.6
Overall: -37.6
B: apple
L: grilled chicken salad w/ tomatoes & WF dressing, apple
D: grilled chicken, apple
Went ahead and did another injection. Wasn't going to. But since I lost... Then I had lunch and remembered how sick of the no-cal dressing I am. And spending all day at the zoo w/ my kiddos munching on all sorts of fun snacks I packed them and me sipping on my yummy... water. Mmmmm. Ah! this is killing me!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Bowing out?
Silly, I know, but I feel like a quitter. Really it is ridiculous. After all, I signed up for a 60-day program and I've been on for 62 now. So it's not like I'm giving up. Right?
I guess I feel this way because my plan was to keep going until my needles ran out (14 more) since I still have a ton of hcg left. At BKi they offer a 20-day extension -- for an extra $300! Yeah, right. Not going that route. But apparently they believe the "immune" effect doesn't exist or apply because of their formula? Not sure exactly.
But I'm not getting the results. And I'm discouraged. And I miss food. ... that actually worries me a bit. Almost like I might need to be on the diet longer because I really want food? Ah! That is ridiculous. Isn't it?
AAAAAAaaarrrgghhhhh!!!!
I'm going crazy. And I feel like I'm not being a good example because of it. Not my intent. Sorry. I am seriously just terrified that as soon as I stop the diet I will balloon back out of control. I have no faith in myself that I can eat responsibly. None whatsoever.
That's pretty sad.
I guess I feel this way because my plan was to keep going until my needles ran out (14 more) since I still have a ton of hcg left. At BKi they offer a 20-day extension -- for an extra $300! Yeah, right. Not going that route. But apparently they believe the "immune" effect doesn't exist or apply because of their formula? Not sure exactly.
But I'm not getting the results. And I'm discouraged. And I miss food. ... that actually worries me a bit. Almost like I might need to be on the diet longer because I really want food? Ah! That is ridiculous. Isn't it?
AAAAAAaaarrrgghhhhh!!!!
I'm going crazy. And I feel like I'm not being a good example because of it. Not my intent. Sorry. I am seriously just terrified that as soon as I stop the diet I will balloon back out of control. I have no faith in myself that I can eat responsibly. None whatsoever.
That's pretty sad.
Day 23a
Weight: 142.0
Overnight: -0.2
Overall: -37.0
B: none
L: grilled sirloin, Wasa
D: a whole lot of dried apple slices
Seriously? -0.2? After all the time I spent in the bathroom yesterday (I know, TMI. Sorry) I was seriously expecting to drop 5 lbs! Yesterday I started taking my frozen castor oil pills - to help my colon heal. They told me if I froze them then they'd make it through the stomach acid intact and on to my colon so instead of acting as a laxative they'd act as a stimulant. Hmm, kinda sounds the same, doesn't it? Anyway, it sure did feel the same yesterday! I mean, dang.
Back to my original gripe - I thought for sure I'd go down more. At least I went down. I don't know. Maybe I am growing immune to the effects of the hcg. Maybe it's time to throw in the towel. I just REALLY wanted to make it down to the 30s before I quit. Ideally I'd have made it to the 20s, but clearly that isn't going to happen. Oh well. There are other ways to lose weight, right? Especially now that I have such a good head-start? I just feel ... cheated.
Overnight: -0.2
Overall: -37.0
B: none
L: grilled sirloin, Wasa
D: a whole lot of dried apple slices
Seriously? -0.2? After all the time I spent in the bathroom yesterday (I know, TMI. Sorry) I was seriously expecting to drop 5 lbs! Yesterday I started taking my frozen castor oil pills - to help my colon heal. They told me if I froze them then they'd make it through the stomach acid intact and on to my colon so instead of acting as a laxative they'd act as a stimulant. Hmm, kinda sounds the same, doesn't it? Anyway, it sure did feel the same yesterday! I mean, dang.
Back to my original gripe - I thought for sure I'd go down more. At least I went down. I don't know. Maybe I am growing immune to the effects of the hcg. Maybe it's time to throw in the towel. I just REALLY wanted to make it down to the 30s before I quit. Ideally I'd have made it to the 20s, but clearly that isn't going to happen. Oh well. There are other ways to lose weight, right? Especially now that I have such a good head-start? I just feel ... cheated.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Mother's Day pix
Not the greatest pic, but oh well. You get the idea.
With my cute girls! (Hyrum was napping)
Day 22a
Weight: 142.2
Overnight: -0.8
Overall: -36.8
B: apple, a few cherry tomatoes
L: grilled chicken over salad w/ cherry tomatoes and WF Caesar dressing
S: Wasa
D: Heaven chicken, Wasa
S: apple
Still not sure what to think. Maybe the influx was because of the pudding? It didn't have that effect on me before, so I don't know. At least it went down. I am getting discouraged not getting as good of results.
HOWEVER,
yesterday was awesome! I sang in church, wore a dress size 10 that was pre-pregnancy Lacie, and EVERYONE went on and on about the song, the dress, the weight-loss, etc. Seriously, it was awesome. Biggest self-esteem boost I could ever have hoped for. Totally worth 2 months of not eating.
HOWEVER,
this morning I am starving! I've eaten an apple plus some tomatoes, where I don't normally even eat breakfast and I'm still sooooo hungry. Okay, maybe not sooooo hungry. Not starving. I just want to eat. Like I have the munchies or something. Hmmm --- weight gain + munchies --- wonder if this means I'm about to start my period???
Overnight: -0.8
Overall: -36.8
B: apple, a few cherry tomatoes
L: grilled chicken over salad w/ cherry tomatoes and WF Caesar dressing
S: Wasa
D: Heaven chicken, Wasa
S: apple
Still not sure what to think. Maybe the influx was because of the pudding? It didn't have that effect on me before, so I don't know. At least it went down. I am getting discouraged not getting as good of results.
HOWEVER,
yesterday was awesome! I sang in church, wore a dress size 10 that was pre-pregnancy Lacie, and EVERYONE went on and on about the song, the dress, the weight-loss, etc. Seriously, it was awesome. Biggest self-esteem boost I could ever have hoped for. Totally worth 2 months of not eating.
HOWEVER,
this morning I am starving! I've eaten an apple plus some tomatoes, where I don't normally even eat breakfast and I'm still sooooo hungry. Okay, maybe not sooooo hungry. Not starving. I just want to eat. Like I have the munchies or something. Hmmm --- weight gain + munchies --- wonder if this means I'm about to start my period???
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Day 21a
Weight: 143.0
Overnight: +1.2
Overall: -36.0
B: none
L: apple
D:
Hmm. Not sure I want to comment. It's Mother's Day, after all.
I guess all I can say is that my indulgence with the choc. pudding last night was lovely. Not sure how 8oz of pudding turns into a 1.2lb weight gain, but whatever.
Overnight: +1.2
Overall: -36.0
B: none
L: apple
D:
Hmm. Not sure I want to comment. It's Mother's Day, after all.
I guess all I can say is that my indulgence with the choc. pudding last night was lovely. Not sure how 8oz of pudding turns into a 1.2lb weight gain, but whatever.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Proud
I'd just like to mention --
on my web browser's "most visited" tab, this blog now outranks Spider Solitaire. And yes, that is a major accomplishment. :)
on my web browser's "most visited" tab, this blog now outranks Spider Solitaire. And yes, that is a major accomplishment. :)
Day 20a
Weight: 141.8
Overnight: +0.6
Overall: -36.2
B: apple
L: grilled chicken, roasted squash/zucchini, ff/sf pudding (not much, but still. shouldn't have)
D: roasted squash/zucchini, pudding - more than a little
This is getting annoying...
I'm annoyed...
...
Grrrr.
[Breathe]
Going to try to ignore it -- after I hurry and vent! : ) The thing is, on Thursday I went and got a colonic done. 1st ever. Ummm, yeah. That was an experience! When Mark asked what a colonic was I told him it was an enema that lasted 1.5 hrs. His eyes went wide & he started choking. Funny. Men can be such pansies. Anyway, I had it done because I've been plagued all my life by digestive problems. Call it Irritable Bowel if you will. But I was getting sick of it. And rather than doing a cleanse or a colonoscopy or whatever else, I chose this route.
I had to stop it early because it was getting too painful. Oddly enough, it was a good thing. They were able to diagnose my problem (TMI warning: a part of my colon was stretched out, making a subsequent part of the colon too small, so things would get blocked and built up until it HAD to push through, which would feel super fun!, and then I'd be fine again).
ANYHOO,
You'd think with such a "cleansing" I'd drop some weight??? You'd think. And I did Friday. Even when I ate that jell-o pudding (albeit sf/ff and counted it as my 2nd protein for the day). But then to gain?! Aargh! So mad. So, so mad.
And the worst part of it was that I was up late last night (as usual) & put together a breakfast casserole in the crock-pot. Oh my, it smelled soooo good. Eggs, cheese, ham... waaaaa!
Overnight: +0.6
Overall: -36.2
B: apple
L: grilled chicken, roasted squash/zucchini, ff/sf pudding (not much, but still. shouldn't have)
D: roasted squash/zucchini, pudding - more than a little
This is getting annoying...
I'm annoyed...
...
Grrrr.
[Breathe]
Going to try to ignore it -- after I hurry and vent! : ) The thing is, on Thursday I went and got a colonic done. 1st ever. Ummm, yeah. That was an experience! When Mark asked what a colonic was I told him it was an enema that lasted 1.5 hrs. His eyes went wide & he started choking. Funny. Men can be such pansies. Anyway, I had it done because I've been plagued all my life by digestive problems. Call it Irritable Bowel if you will. But I was getting sick of it. And rather than doing a cleanse or a colonoscopy or whatever else, I chose this route.
I had to stop it early because it was getting too painful. Oddly enough, it was a good thing. They were able to diagnose my problem (TMI warning: a part of my colon was stretched out, making a subsequent part of the colon too small, so things would get blocked and built up until it HAD to push through, which would feel super fun!, and then I'd be fine again).
ANYHOO,
You'd think with such a "cleansing" I'd drop some weight??? You'd think. And I did Friday. Even when I ate that jell-o pudding (albeit sf/ff and counted it as my 2nd protein for the day). But then to gain?! Aargh! So mad. So, so mad.
And the worst part of it was that I was up late last night (as usual) & put together a breakfast casserole in the crock-pot. Oh my, it smelled soooo good. Eggs, cheese, ham... waaaaa!
Friday, May 7, 2010
Day 19a
Weight: 141.2
Overnight: -0.8
Overall: -37.8
B: apple
L:
D:
Feeling good today - physially, mentally. Had my counseling session with Jenny. We discussed ways to head off the negative cycle I get into. Interesting the part food plays in that cycle.
Overnight: -0.8
Overall: -37.8
B: apple
L:
D:
Feeling good today - physially, mentally. Had my counseling session with Jenny. We discussed ways to head off the negative cycle I get into. Interesting the part food plays in that cycle.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Days left
Yes, I altered it once again. This time I actually have something to base it off - I only have 18 needles left. Thus, I can only inject another 18 times. Unless I procure more needles. But I don't if it requires a Rx. And I don't want to ask BKi for fear they'll try to charge me for it. Extending 20 days is another $300, and that's just not going to happen. They said the HCG is good for 60 days, and since I have more in the bottle I'm going to just keep on using it. Technically I could use it up until around June 8th (if it lasts that long); I just don't have that many needles.
Am I talking in circles? Feels like it.
Oh yeah, after the last injection I have to stay on protocol 3 more days. So I guess actually need to change it to 21 more days. 3 weeks. That's not too bad, is it? That's worth it to drop another 10 lbs (at the rate I'm going), right? It'd put me around the 130s. Not exactly what I'd hoped - I was going for around 115-120, but oh well. I can get there with ballet, right? Maybe? Argh. Seems silly to try to guess what I may or may not have to plan around.
Am I talking in circles? Feels like it.
Oh yeah, after the last injection I have to stay on protocol 3 more days. So I guess actually need to change it to 21 more days. 3 weeks. That's not too bad, is it? That's worth it to drop another 10 lbs (at the rate I'm going), right? It'd put me around the 130s. Not exactly what I'd hoped - I was going for around 115-120, but oh well. I can get there with ballet, right? Maybe? Argh. Seems silly to try to guess what I may or may not have to plan around.
Day 18a
Weight: 142.0
Overnight: -1.6
Overall: -37.0
B: apple
L: none
D: grilled chicken, apple
S: FF/SF choc. pudding (not protocol approved)
Woo Hoo! 1.6 lbs? That's awesome! SOOOOO excited! This is definitely the kind of progress that keeps me excited - keeps me pumped to continue.
I'm also starting to recognize a pattern. I plateau for a week or so - almost like I'm "working things out," and then I drop. Frustrating at the time, but as long as I know there is a drop in the future I think I can handle it a little better from now on.
Overnight: -1.6
Overall: -37.0
B: apple
L: none
D: grilled chicken, apple
S: FF/SF choc. pudding (not protocol approved)
Woo Hoo! 1.6 lbs? That's awesome! SOOOOO excited! This is definitely the kind of progress that keeps me excited - keeps me pumped to continue.
I'm also starting to recognize a pattern. I plateau for a week or so - almost like I'm "working things out," and then I drop. Frustrating at the time, but as long as I know there is a drop in the future I think I can handle it a little better from now on.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Day 17a
Weight: 143.6
Overnight: -0.6
Overall: -35.4
B: Fresca
L: apple, grilled sirloin, water
D:
Still going down! Yippee! Actually, I weighed a couple hours later after using the potty & had gone down even more, but soas not to have a disappointment tomorrow I'm sticking with the first one. Is that lame? I don't know. Oh well if it is. Gotta say though, progress makes all the difference in the world when it comes to my resolve. Today I'm wearing some adidas warm-up pants I haven't worn since for, sheesh, years. I don't even know how many. But I love these pants. They're the kind the cool kids would wear in junior high. With the 3 stripes down the side instead of the 2-striped generic brand I had. Funny how things like that were so important. Or so I thought.
ANYWAY --
progress feels good. I just have to remember not to look at food ads. They're killer. This morning I made pumpkin muffins (YUM!) for Andrea to take to school for Teacher Appreciation Week. I handled it okay, but when she asked me to make choc. chip cookies as well I think I shed a little tear. ;)
Overnight: -0.6
Overall: -35.4
B: Fresca
L: apple, grilled sirloin, water
D:
Still going down! Yippee! Actually, I weighed a couple hours later after using the potty & had gone down even more, but soas not to have a disappointment tomorrow I'm sticking with the first one. Is that lame? I don't know. Oh well if it is. Gotta say though, progress makes all the difference in the world when it comes to my resolve. Today I'm wearing some adidas warm-up pants I haven't worn since for, sheesh, years. I don't even know how many. But I love these pants. They're the kind the cool kids would wear in junior high. With the 3 stripes down the side instead of the 2-striped generic brand I had. Funny how things like that were so important. Or so I thought.
ANYWAY --
progress feels good. I just have to remember not to look at food ads. They're killer. This morning I made pumpkin muffins (YUM!) for Andrea to take to school for Teacher Appreciation Week. I handled it okay, but when she asked me to make choc. chip cookies as well I think I shed a little tear. ;)
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Day 16a
Weight: 144.2
Overnight: -1.4
Overall: -34.8
B: none
L: apple, grilled chicken
D:
I'm normal! Hooray! At last and finally! My BMI is no longer in the "overweight" category, but in the "normal" range! Yay!
And finally, some progress! Good thing, too. Without some hint at progress my willpower really shuts down. Today I took Hyrum & Lacie to the Dallas Museum of Art (they have all sorts of fun, free stuff each first Tuesday). Can I just say downtown Dallas at lunchtime smells soooooo good! Well, in the Arts district anyway! All the restaurants & cafes crank it out to lure people in with their mouthwatering aromas. Mmmmmmm. Anyway, progress is probably the only thing that kept me from caving. That and looking at my reflection in the glass mirrored-windows of one of the buildings. Funny how you can feel like you're doing so well and looking so skinny -- until you see your reflection. :(
Overnight: -1.4
Overall: -34.8
B: none
L: apple, grilled chicken
D:
I'm normal! Hooray! At last and finally! My BMI is no longer in the "overweight" category, but in the "normal" range! Yay!
And finally, some progress! Good thing, too. Without some hint at progress my willpower really shuts down. Today I took Hyrum & Lacie to the Dallas Museum of Art (they have all sorts of fun, free stuff each first Tuesday). Can I just say downtown Dallas at lunchtime smells soooooo good! Well, in the Arts district anyway! All the restaurants & cafes crank it out to lure people in with their mouthwatering aromas. Mmmmmmm. Anyway, progress is probably the only thing that kept me from caving. That and looking at my reflection in the glass mirrored-windows of one of the buildings. Funny how you can feel like you're doing so well and looking so skinny -- until you see your reflection. :(
Monday, May 3, 2010
Just have to say...
Earlier today I was in Home Depot, rocking my fitted size 12 pants, where a younger, smokin' hot guy was totally checking me out and then complimented my shoes (which were pretty awesome). Oh yeah! I walked out of there feeling like a million bucks.
Day 15a
Weight: 145.6
Overnight: 0.0
Overall: -33.4
B: none
L: grilled chicken, apple
S: green beans, dried apple slices
D: apple, Wasa
This is getting annoying. Why won't it move? I feel like I've been stuck in this rut now for a week! And it's not that I'm so unhappy with where I'm at, but just that if I'm going to keep doing this protocol I'd really like to see some results please!
Don't get me wrong - I'd still recommend this program to anyone who is desperate to lose the weight. But don't think it's going to be a walk in the park. It's hard. It's not fun. It's pretty monotonous. It's also worth it.
Anyway.
Just wish I could see some movement. On a happier note, I'm wearing some pants today that are on the slim side of size 12; very fitted. And I look AWESOME. : )
Overnight: 0.0
Overall: -33.4
B: none
L: grilled chicken, apple
S: green beans, dried apple slices
D: apple, Wasa
This is getting annoying. Why won't it move? I feel like I've been stuck in this rut now for a week! And it's not that I'm so unhappy with where I'm at, but just that if I'm going to keep doing this protocol I'd really like to see some results please!
Don't get me wrong - I'd still recommend this program to anyone who is desperate to lose the weight. But don't think it's going to be a walk in the park. It's hard. It's not fun. It's pretty monotonous. It's also worth it.
Anyway.
Just wish I could see some movement. On a happier note, I'm wearing some pants today that are on the slim side of size 12; very fitted. And I look AWESOME. : )
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Day 14a
Weight: 145.6
Overnight: -0.4
Overall: -33.4
B: none
L: (late) Heaven chicken, apple, Wasa
D:
At least the movement was downwards! We'll see if that continues, huh?
Felt great at church today. Got a TON of comments/compliments. Plus I wore a skirt I was only barely able to fit for a short while the summer after Lacie was born. And I'd worked hard to get there, too. Hooray! Yet, I remember at that time feeling so fat. Sigh.
Overnight: -0.4
Overall: -33.4
B: none
L: (late) Heaven chicken, apple, Wasa
D:
At least the movement was downwards! We'll see if that continues, huh?
Felt great at church today. Got a TON of comments/compliments. Plus I wore a skirt I was only barely able to fit for a short while the summer after Lacie was born. And I'd worked hard to get there, too. Hooray! Yet, I remember at that time feeling so fat. Sigh.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Another photo update
Day 37; Day 10a
Okay, so not quite as dramatic, but still there is noticeable change! Some of that change is a flatter butt and droopier boobs... hmmmm. Guess I better gear up for some Pilates after the program!
Okay, so not quite as dramatic, but still there is noticeable change! Some of that change is a flatter butt and droopier boobs... hmmmm. Guess I better gear up for some Pilates after the program!
Quote of the Day
We were watching TV when a commercial for NutriSlim came on. It was talking about the success of their customers - how they'd lost X amount of lbs and now they look great, etc. So my daughter, Andrea, pipes up and says,
"Hey Mom! That's what you're doing! Before you were fat and now you look better!"
"Hey Mom! That's what you're doing! Before you were fat and now you look better!"
Day 13a
Weight: 146.0
Overnight: +0.2
Overall: -33.0
B: none
L:
D:
Not going to panic. Not. Breathe.
I did drink a whole lot more water yesterday than usual. I'm banking on that to be the cause. It'd better be! : ) I was really hoping that today I would be able to report that I'm finally out of the "overweight" BMI category. Sad. Not there yet.
Overnight: +0.2
Overall: -33.0
B: none
L:
D:
Not going to panic. Not. Breathe.
I did drink a whole lot more water yesterday than usual. I'm banking on that to be the cause. It'd better be! : ) I was really hoping that today I would be able to report that I'm finally out of the "overweight" BMI category. Sad. Not there yet.
Day 12a
Weight: 145.8
Overnight: -1.0
Overall: -33.2
B: apple
L: grilled chicken
D: Heaven chicken, Wasa, apple
Much better! Happy to announce the fluids are flowing, and apparently that's making a difference! Today I drank so much water I'm going to have to slosh to bed, but oh well. I also had 2 Frescas & water w/ Crystal Light. I was in the car a lot today. :)
Wore pants today that I'd never worn before. Wasn't able to get them more than half-way up my thighs a couple months ago. And with the exception of right at the waistline they looked pretty baggy! Yes, still carrying quite the gut. But wow, is that ever a difference - worrying about my gut instead of my thunder thighs!
This morning I had a counseling session with Jenny. She is awesome. She knows how to push me, and that's what she did this morning. She helped me throw away my "fat" clothes. It was hard. Really hard. I feel silly that it was, but it really was. And now that it's over I feel so much better! Like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. She said that in the end it wasn't about the actual clothes, but what they represented to me. I kept trying to argue that I was attempting to be cost-efficient should I again need their services. Yeah. Didn't fly. I think for me they were my safety net. Should I fail, should I be fat, I would have something to "hide" it. Okay, I still think there is merit to having clothes on hand so you don't have to run out to the store. BUT, Jenny wisely pointed out the cost these clothes were causing me - filling up my room/closet/storage space. AND it was undermining my ability to succeed right now.
When you put it that way... !
Anyway, ended up getting rid of 2 garbage bags of clothes + 1 box of shoes (kids' stuff included). Ahhhhh. Feels good.
Overnight: -1.0
Overall: -33.2
B: apple
L: grilled chicken
D: Heaven chicken, Wasa, apple
Much better! Happy to announce the fluids are flowing, and apparently that's making a difference! Today I drank so much water I'm going to have to slosh to bed, but oh well. I also had 2 Frescas & water w/ Crystal Light. I was in the car a lot today. :)
Wore pants today that I'd never worn before. Wasn't able to get them more than half-way up my thighs a couple months ago. And with the exception of right at the waistline they looked pretty baggy! Yes, still carrying quite the gut. But wow, is that ever a difference - worrying about my gut instead of my thunder thighs!
This morning I had a counseling session with Jenny. She is awesome. She knows how to push me, and that's what she did this morning. She helped me throw away my "fat" clothes. It was hard. Really hard. I feel silly that it was, but it really was. And now that it's over I feel so much better! Like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. She said that in the end it wasn't about the actual clothes, but what they represented to me. I kept trying to argue that I was attempting to be cost-efficient should I again need their services. Yeah. Didn't fly. I think for me they were my safety net. Should I fail, should I be fat, I would have something to "hide" it. Okay, I still think there is merit to having clothes on hand so you don't have to run out to the store. BUT, Jenny wisely pointed out the cost these clothes were causing me - filling up my room/closet/storage space. AND it was undermining my ability to succeed right now.
When you put it that way... !
Anyway, ended up getting rid of 2 garbage bags of clothes + 1 box of shoes (kids' stuff included). Ahhhhh. Feels good.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Day 11a
Weight: 146.8
Overnight: +0.2
Overall: -32.2
B: none
L: apple
D:
Okay, this is getting ridiculously out of hand. What is going on?! I've had plateaus before, and even gained once or twice, but never like this. Never this much. I don't know what the deal is, but I don't like it! My only thought - maybe when I shaved yesterday & used regular conditioner instead of the approved stuff? Maybe because yesterday both servings of protein were "processed" - even though I've done that before w/ no consequences, and these are the "all-natural" and "minimally processed" meat. And I didn't even finish it all. Just in case.
Humph.
Trying to decide whether to do an apple day or not. I'm so hungry. I don't know if I can handle it. Blasted! Maybe I should call BKi and ask them??
~
Just called BKi. Feel a little better. Something that I don't track on this blog, and probably should, is my water intake. I've been pretty bad at drinking all the required water. So in the last few days I've tried to up it. Not tried, I have. But I haven't been peeing anymore frequently, so Heather says not to panic. Take my protease. Keep drinking. Keep peeing. Pee out the fat. Ok. I can do that. I will try not to panic. I will drink my water. And I will pee for all that I'm worth!
Overnight: +0.2
Overall: -32.2
B: none
L: apple
D:
Okay, this is getting ridiculously out of hand. What is going on?! I've had plateaus before, and even gained once or twice, but never like this. Never this much. I don't know what the deal is, but I don't like it! My only thought - maybe when I shaved yesterday & used regular conditioner instead of the approved stuff? Maybe because yesterday both servings of protein were "processed" - even though I've done that before w/ no consequences, and these are the "all-natural" and "minimally processed" meat. And I didn't even finish it all. Just in case.
Humph.
Trying to decide whether to do an apple day or not. I'm so hungry. I don't know if I can handle it. Blasted! Maybe I should call BKi and ask them??
~
Just called BKi. Feel a little better. Something that I don't track on this blog, and probably should, is my water intake. I've been pretty bad at drinking all the required water. So in the last few days I've tried to up it. Not tried, I have. But I haven't been peeing anymore frequently, so Heather says not to panic. Take my protease. Keep drinking. Keep peeing. Pee out the fat. Ok. I can do that. I will try not to panic. I will drink my water. And I will pee for all that I'm worth!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Day 10a
Weight: 146.6
Overnight: 0.0
Overall: -32.4
B: none
L: none
D: 3 slices turkey, apple, Wasa
AAaahhh! Staying the same? Even after I skipped an injection? Lame! Am I starting to get immune to it? Even still, I shouldn't be GAINING weight and staying there when I'm only eating 500 calories a day! Grrr.
What really sucks about lack of progress is when the temptation comes. Like, say, when we go to a Meet & Greet at the park and they bring pizza. Not too tough, right? Sip my water, play with the kids, distract myself pretty well. The problem comes when they send extra pizza home with us. And Mark & the kids snack on it all night. And it smells so ridiculously good. And I love pizza. And I start to want to just bag this whole diet and gorge myself on the stuff! It makes me feel like crap. I hate that I'm still so crazy about food. My cravings are not gone. Better, yes. Gone, no. Not at all. Not by a long shot.
On a positive note, the jeans I wore to the park were some that I was trying to squish myself in a few months (and failed), and today they were BAGGY!! Yay!
Ok. Maybe I do feel a little better. : )
Overnight: 0.0
Overall: -32.4
B: none
L: none
D: 3 slices turkey, apple, Wasa
AAaahhh! Staying the same? Even after I skipped an injection? Lame! Am I starting to get immune to it? Even still, I shouldn't be GAINING weight and staying there when I'm only eating 500 calories a day! Grrr.
What really sucks about lack of progress is when the temptation comes. Like, say, when we go to a Meet & Greet at the park and they bring pizza. Not too tough, right? Sip my water, play with the kids, distract myself pretty well. The problem comes when they send extra pizza home with us. And Mark & the kids snack on it all night. And it smells so ridiculously good. And I love pizza. And I start to want to just bag this whole diet and gorge myself on the stuff! It makes me feel like crap. I hate that I'm still so crazy about food. My cravings are not gone. Better, yes. Gone, no. Not at all. Not by a long shot.
On a positive note, the jeans I wore to the park were some that I was trying to squish myself in a few months (and failed), and today they were BAGGY!! Yay!
Ok. Maybe I do feel a little better. : )
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Day 9a
Weight: 146.6
Overnight: +1.2
Overall: -32.4
B: none
S: almost 1/2 of 2 diff. apples (couldn't finish either - way too soft)
L: 3 slices turkey, Wasa, broccoli
D:
Huh???? How did...? Why would...? What tha...? WwwwwaaaaaaAAAAA!
Boo hoo!
Sob.
Sniff. Sniff.
And I was so close to being normal! ; )
Okay, so obviously I'm puzzled. Not sure why I would gain. And so much! Crazy. Skipping my injection today. Hopefully that will give me a boost. But aside from the disappointment, really I am confused. How on earth did that happen? I stayed up late last night, but I stay up late EVERY night. Didn't drink all my water, but then, I never do. I even started cleaning out my bedroom! I had prepared lunch meat last night - though, it's the 98% fat free, all-natural w/ supposedly no processing. And I've had it before without any negative results. Hmmm.
Baffled.
And disappointed. But now I really can't stop.
Interesting - last night I was sorting through clothes that have been piled on the floor of my bedroom for the last who-knows-how-long. Of course, they're in every size from 18 to 12. So I finally started sorting through the stuff I no longer wear. Wow, was that ever a different experience putting away clothes that are now too big instead of too small! That has never happened before! Anyway, I found that I can't quite put away all the clothes yet. Even though they're now too big, it's like I'm scared that I'm wrong. That I'm not really smaller. Or that I'll wake up and be big again.
Laura (at BKi) told me she had similar feelings. Even though she was down to size 4, she'd keep going to her size 14 clothes because she hadn't come to terms yet that she really was smaller.
I guess I'm just terrified that it will go away. Or that I think I'm smaller, but really I'm still fat. I know, I know, "fat" is so subjective. I guess I'm just realizing there's a whole lot more mental/emotional stuff going on than I had thought - or anticipated.
Overnight: +1.2
Overall: -32.4
B: none
S: almost 1/2 of 2 diff. apples (couldn't finish either - way too soft)
L: 3 slices turkey, Wasa, broccoli
D:
Huh???? How did...? Why would...? What tha...? WwwwwaaaaaaAAAAA!
Boo hoo!
Sob.
Sniff. Sniff.
And I was so close to being normal! ; )
Okay, so obviously I'm puzzled. Not sure why I would gain. And so much! Crazy. Skipping my injection today. Hopefully that will give me a boost. But aside from the disappointment, really I am confused. How on earth did that happen? I stayed up late last night, but I stay up late EVERY night. Didn't drink all my water, but then, I never do. I even started cleaning out my bedroom! I had prepared lunch meat last night - though, it's the 98% fat free, all-natural w/ supposedly no processing. And I've had it before without any negative results. Hmmm.
Baffled.
And disappointed. But now I really can't stop.
Interesting - last night I was sorting through clothes that have been piled on the floor of my bedroom for the last who-knows-how-long. Of course, they're in every size from 18 to 12. So I finally started sorting through the stuff I no longer wear. Wow, was that ever a different experience putting away clothes that are now too big instead of too small! That has never happened before! Anyway, I found that I can't quite put away all the clothes yet. Even though they're now too big, it's like I'm scared that I'm wrong. That I'm not really smaller. Or that I'll wake up and be big again.
Laura (at BKi) told me she had similar feelings. Even though she was down to size 4, she'd keep going to her size 14 clothes because she hadn't come to terms yet that she really was smaller.
I guess I'm just terrified that it will go away. Or that I think I'm smaller, but really I'm still fat. I know, I know, "fat" is so subjective. I guess I'm just realizing there's a whole lot more mental/emotional stuff going on than I had thought - or anticipated.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Day 8a
Weight: 145.4
Overnight: -1.0
Overall: -33.6
B: none
L: apple, Wasa, Heaven chicken
D: Wasa, 3 slices turkey, apple
Getting closer to "normal"!! Haha. Actually, after obsessing over my BMI last night (I think I checked it on 14 different sites), I am more motivated to keep going and not stop until I'm at the bottom end of the "normal" category. You know, since the difference (for me) between weighing 145.1 and 145.2 is the difference between being considered 'normal' and 'overweight.'
I'm really starting to think about long-term maintenance. Because I really don't want to do this again. And I REALLY don't want to be overweight, let alone obese. (Anymore!)
My eating right now is very spastic. Not planned out; no thought put into it. Kind of like survival eating. Again, quite reflective of my life right now. Yes, I'm hoping that once I sort out my life things will be better, but I know this won't be the only time in my life that things are crazy/chaotic. So when those times come, will I revert back? Pack the weight back on? I really need to figure this out before I finish the program or I think I'll be in trouble.
Quick shout-out:
Thank you everyone for your comments! They're so awesome and inspiring for me! Honestly, I read and re-read the comments each day because they're so motivating. I feel cared about. I don't feel alone on this journey. Support is truly key to success on this program - otherwise it is just torture. Okay, not torture, but certainly not fun. And many days almost not do-able. This keeps me going. So thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Overnight: -1.0
Overall: -33.6
B: none
L: apple, Wasa, Heaven chicken
D: Wasa, 3 slices turkey, apple
Getting closer to "normal"!! Haha. Actually, after obsessing over my BMI last night (I think I checked it on 14 different sites), I am more motivated to keep going and not stop until I'm at the bottom end of the "normal" category. You know, since the difference (for me) between weighing 145.1 and 145.2 is the difference between being considered 'normal' and 'overweight.'
I'm really starting to think about long-term maintenance. Because I really don't want to do this again. And I REALLY don't want to be overweight, let alone obese. (Anymore!)
My eating right now is very spastic. Not planned out; no thought put into it. Kind of like survival eating. Again, quite reflective of my life right now. Yes, I'm hoping that once I sort out my life things will be better, but I know this won't be the only time in my life that things are crazy/chaotic. So when those times come, will I revert back? Pack the weight back on? I really need to figure this out before I finish the program or I think I'll be in trouble.
Quick shout-out:
Thank you everyone for your comments! They're so awesome and inspiring for me! Honestly, I read and re-read the comments each day because they're so motivating. I feel cared about. I don't feel alone on this journey. Support is truly key to success on this program - otherwise it is just torture. Okay, not torture, but certainly not fun. And many days almost not do-able. This keeps me going. So thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
BMI
So... as for BMI, I started out in the "obese" category.
Now I'm in the "overweight" category.
Apparently I need to lose 1.3 lbs to be "normal."
Here's to being "normal"!
Now I'm in the "overweight" category.
Apparently I need to lose 1.3 lbs to be "normal."
Here's to being "normal"!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Day 7a
Weight: 146.4
Overnight: -0.6
Overall: -32.6
B: none
L: apple, grilled chicken, Wasa
D: grilled chicken, Wasa
Went to my 2nd Overeaters Anonymous meeting tonight. It was really good. Even better was my talk w/ _ in the driveway afterwards. Seems I am still trying to escape. Not being able to use food makes it a little harder, but I've easily found other ways to escape: computer, tv, sleep, shopping. Why can't cleaning my house be a great escape? Somehow that never quite makes the list. And neither does dishes or laundry. Hmmm. Wouldn't that be great if you could re-program yourself to where anytime you were bored, frustrated or however else you get in a funk - rather than having a desire to eat/veg/etc you desired to clean? I'm almost afraid at how clean my house would be. Almost. Alas, life is not that easy.
In any event, I'm pretty sure I need to conquer this rut I'm in, or after the diet I'll just put everything back on.
Overnight: -0.6
Overall: -32.6
B: none
L: apple, grilled chicken, Wasa
D: grilled chicken, Wasa
Went to my 2nd Overeaters Anonymous meeting tonight. It was really good. Even better was my talk w/ _ in the driveway afterwards. Seems I am still trying to escape. Not being able to use food makes it a little harder, but I've easily found other ways to escape: computer, tv, sleep, shopping. Why can't cleaning my house be a great escape? Somehow that never quite makes the list. And neither does dishes or laundry. Hmmm. Wouldn't that be great if you could re-program yourself to where anytime you were bored, frustrated or however else you get in a funk - rather than having a desire to eat/veg/etc you desired to clean? I'm almost afraid at how clean my house would be. Almost. Alas, life is not that easy.
In any event, I'm pretty sure I need to conquer this rut I'm in, or after the diet I'll just put everything back on.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Day 6a
Weight: 157.0
Overnight: -1.0
Overall: -32.0
B: none
L: apple
D: Heaven chicken, Wasa
Went to Cleburne to see Steel Magnolias. Saw Judy & Becky for the first time in months. At first Judy said she didn't even recognize me! Helps that my hair is different. But still! It was pretty awesome. And Becky "ooh-ed" and "ahh-ed" as well. Really nice. Soooo nice. It sounds pathetic that I look to other people so much for encouragement. Maybe because I don't get any at home. As I'm writing this Mark asked me if I want some Ramen Noodles. Really? Really? Hasn't said a word about how I look since before I left for Utah. I mean, it's great when your spouse loves you regardless, but c'mon. Looking hot is looking hot. And absolutely if he were to tone up and get a 6-pack I would be ALL OVER THAT.
Overnight: -1.0
Overall: -32.0
B: none
L: apple
D: Heaven chicken, Wasa
Went to Cleburne to see Steel Magnolias. Saw Judy & Becky for the first time in months. At first Judy said she didn't even recognize me! Helps that my hair is different. But still! It was pretty awesome. And Becky "ooh-ed" and "ahh-ed" as well. Really nice. Soooo nice. It sounds pathetic that I look to other people so much for encouragement. Maybe because I don't get any at home. As I'm writing this Mark asked me if I want some Ramen Noodles. Really? Really? Hasn't said a word about how I look since before I left for Utah. I mean, it's great when your spouse loves you regardless, but c'mon. Looking hot is looking hot. And absolutely if he were to tone up and get a 6-pack I would be ALL OVER THAT.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Day 5a
Weight: 148.0
Overnight: -0.8
Overall: -31.0
B: apple
L: Wasa
D: grilled chicken
Just had a down day. Talked to my counselor - she reminded me that the first week of protocol is really rough. That helped me feel better. I'm just totally out of sorts coming home from the trip -- coming home to chaos after a really awesome break, a successful concert & having a great time with family/friends. Reality kinda sucks after that.
I once went to an organization seminar where the lady mentioned that most clients would lose weight after cleaning out closets/rooms/etc. She said there was a direct correlation disorder and "holding on" to weight. Hmmm. Makes me wonder if I'd drop faster if my house weren't such a disaster.
Overnight: -0.8
Overall: -31.0
B: apple
L: Wasa
D: grilled chicken
Just had a down day. Talked to my counselor - she reminded me that the first week of protocol is really rough. That helped me feel better. I'm just totally out of sorts coming home from the trip -- coming home to chaos after a really awesome break, a successful concert & having a great time with family/friends. Reality kinda sucks after that.
I once went to an organization seminar where the lady mentioned that most clients would lose weight after cleaning out closets/rooms/etc. She said there was a direct correlation disorder and "holding on" to weight. Hmmm. Makes me wonder if I'd drop faster if my house weren't such a disaster.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Day 4a
Weight: 148.8
Overnight: -1.4
Overall: -30.2
B: none
L: apple
D:
Now that's what I'm talking about! Down 1.4 lbs, and FINALLY under the 150 mark! Woohoo!!
THIS is what encourages me to continue. This kind of progress - the fact that I haven't been down in this weight area for 4 years. I am encouraged! I am excited! Bring it on!
Overnight: -1.4
Overall: -30.2
B: none
L: apple
D:
Now that's what I'm talking about! Down 1.4 lbs, and FINALLY under the 150 mark! Woohoo!!
THIS is what encourages me to continue. This kind of progress - the fact that I haven't been down in this weight area for 4 years. I am encouraged! I am excited! Bring it on!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Chicken
Took Lisa's advice - cooked up a whole bunch of chicken for the next few days. That should help. Also, I need to get with the program as far as water goes. I am definitely not drinking enough, and I'm fairly certain I could be losing more if I'd just do it. Blast water not tasting like anything good!
Day 3a
Weight: 150.2
Overnight: -0.6
Overall: -29.8
B: apple
L: 3 slices turkey, Wasa
D: raspberries, grilled chicken, botched the broccoli :(
Getting better. Went grocery shopping last night. That helped. Re-stocked on apples (a MUST); got some raspberries (yum!); Fresca (my treat); Hormel's "natural" turkey slices (not technically protocol, but it's supposed to be non-processed and 98% fat free, and it saves me when in a time crunch). I felt guilty about not getting salad stuff, but I'm a little burned out. Maybe I need to expand my protocol recipe collection.
Overnight: -0.6
Overall: -29.8
B: apple
L: 3 slices turkey, Wasa
D: raspberries, grilled chicken, botched the broccoli :(
Getting better. Went grocery shopping last night. That helped. Re-stocked on apples (a MUST); got some raspberries (yum!); Fresca (my treat); Hormel's "natural" turkey slices (not technically protocol, but it's supposed to be non-processed and 98% fat free, and it saves me when in a time crunch). I felt guilty about not getting salad stuff, but I'm a little burned out. Maybe I need to expand my protocol recipe collection.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Day 2a
Weight: 150.8
Overnight: 0.0
Overall: -29.2
B: none
L: apple
D: grilled sirloin, pickles, Wasa, apple
Went to a PTA meeting today. First one since February. Everyone's jaws dropped & of course I was asked what on earth I had been doing! HOORAY! It felt so awesome. Everyone noticed. Somehow it makes it feel more real, because honestly, I don't feel like I look that different. Even though I know I do. I just still feel like "fat me." Probably because I still am. But I finally have hope that it can change.
Overnight: 0.0
Overall: -29.2
B: none
L: apple
D: grilled sirloin, pickles, Wasa, apple
Went to a PTA meeting today. First one since February. Everyone's jaws dropped & of course I was asked what on earth I had been doing! HOORAY! It felt so awesome. Everyone noticed. Somehow it makes it feel more real, because honestly, I don't feel like I look that different. Even though I know I do. I just still feel like "fat me." Probably because I still am. But I finally have hope that it can change.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Okay I cracked
Blast!
So hard going back on protocol! I ate the last of the Sweet Freedom fudge bars I was able to have on maintenance (no sugar, but has dairy).
Waiting until 9pm to eat was not smart. By then I was starving. I'm just too lazy. I hate thawing meat, weighing it, cooking it, and THEN eating it. And then cleaning up all the mess of having raw meat. Blast being lazy.
So hard going back on protocol! I ate the last of the Sweet Freedom fudge bars I was able to have on maintenance (no sugar, but has dairy).
Waiting until 9pm to eat was not smart. By then I was starving. I'm just too lazy. I hate thawing meat, weighing it, cooking it, and THEN eating it. And then cleaning up all the mess of having raw meat. Blast being lazy.
Day 1a
Weight: 150.8
Overnight: N/A
Overall: -29.2
B: none
L: apple
D: heaven chicken w/ Wasa, SweetFreedom fudge bar*
*not protocol approved
Started back on the injections today. Partly I was afraid I wouldn't go back on protocol if I waited any longer. Partly I just want to get this over and done with!
Feeling a little of the hunger. Doesn't help that I haven't eaten yet. Not excited to be back on such a limited diet, but after seeing Tessy yesterday who had dropped from size 24 to size 2, well, I am determined to at least get out of the double-digits.
Overnight: N/A
Overall: -29.2
B: none
L: apple
D: heaven chicken w/ Wasa, SweetFreedom fudge bar*
*not protocol approved
Started back on the injections today. Partly I was afraid I wouldn't go back on protocol if I waited any longer. Partly I just want to get this over and done with!
Feeling a little of the hunger. Doesn't help that I haven't eaten yet. Not excited to be back on such a limited diet, but after seeing Tessy yesterday who had dropped from size 24 to size 2, well, I am determined to at least get out of the double-digits.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
M-days 4-8
Weight Range: 151.8 - 154.0
LIW: 153.0
Okay, obviously I didn't keep things up while on my trip, so I'll just quickly summarize:
I took my scale and faithfully weighed in every morning. Mostly I stayed between 152.2 - 152.8. One day I was horrified when it got up to 154.0, but then it went back down AND I had started my period. So I stopped stressing. Which was good, because the concert was stressful enough! But it all went fabulously, the trip was WONDERFUL, and I was sooooo glad that I was on maintenance and not protocol!
As for the eating, I ate probably way too much cheese (not low-fat either), not near enough water, sugar that I had not intended, and CHOCOLATE! (Fat free, sugar free and 5X the recommended amount of anti-oxidants. And yummy! Yes, it is miracle chocolate - but that is for another time/blog.)
Anyway,
it was still really hard. I love my carbs and sweets. Had a really hard time staying away from them. Had a really hard time not over-eating. I'm not sure how much of that was due to being on my period and how much is that I still just really like to eat. But I was at least aware of when I had eaten til I was satisfied, and then when I kept eating I did feel sick. At least I was aware. Still have a long, long ways to go.
LIW: 153.0
Okay, obviously I didn't keep things up while on my trip, so I'll just quickly summarize:
I took my scale and faithfully weighed in every morning. Mostly I stayed between 152.2 - 152.8. One day I was horrified when it got up to 154.0, but then it went back down AND I had started my period. So I stopped stressing. Which was good, because the concert was stressful enough! But it all went fabulously, the trip was WONDERFUL, and I was sooooo glad that I was on maintenance and not protocol!
As for the eating, I ate probably way too much cheese (not low-fat either), not near enough water, sugar that I had not intended, and CHOCOLATE! (Fat free, sugar free and 5X the recommended amount of anti-oxidants. And yummy! Yes, it is miracle chocolate - but that is for another time/blog.)
Anyway,
it was still really hard. I love my carbs and sweets. Had a really hard time staying away from them. Had a really hard time not over-eating. I'm not sure how much of that was due to being on my period and how much is that I still just really like to eat. But I was at least aware of when I had eaten til I was satisfied, and then when I kept eating I did feel sick. At least I was aware. Still have a long, long ways to go.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
M-day 3
Weight: 152.8
Overnight: +1.6
LIW: 153.0
Difference: -0.2
B: olives; pudding
L: parmesan chicken
D:
What tha?! Grr. I don't get this at all. I totally backed off on the cheese yesterday, and I went up almost 2 lbs? ??? Then again, in all fairness, yesterday morning when I weighed in I was actually at 152.2. Not happy. Then I took a shower and somehow, "magically," I dropped down to 151.2 -- sooooo, who knows? Plus my "morning" times tend to be all over the board. I never get up at the same time, and almost always go to bed super late. Maybe that's something I should work to fix?
Overnight: +1.6
LIW: 153.0
Difference: -0.2
B: olives; pudding
L: parmesan chicken
D:
What tha?! Grr. I don't get this at all. I totally backed off on the cheese yesterday, and I went up almost 2 lbs? ??? Then again, in all fairness, yesterday morning when I weighed in I was actually at 152.2. Not happy. Then I took a shower and somehow, "magically," I dropped down to 151.2 -- sooooo, who knows? Plus my "morning" times tend to be all over the board. I never get up at the same time, and almost always go to bed super late. Maybe that's something I should work to fix?
Monday, April 12, 2010
M-day 2
Weight: 151.2
Overnight: -0.8
LIW: 153.0
Difference: -1.8
B: egg beaters w/ salsa, a little cheese
L: stick of string cheese; fat/sugar free pudding;
D: olives; Crystal Light; hotdog w/ ketchup
Must ease up on the cheese today! Soooo hard! I LOVE CHEESE. Reminds me of a movie trailer I saw years ago for a movie I don't recall --
(Man): "What's life without cheese?"
(Doctor): "Longer."
Anyway, last night I felt so sick, and then I had such a massive headache. Makes me think I really need to be careful on this maintenance period.
Overnight: -0.8
LIW: 153.0
Difference: -1.8
B: egg beaters w/ salsa, a little cheese
L: stick of string cheese; fat/sugar free pudding;
D: olives; Crystal Light; hotdog w/ ketchup
Must ease up on the cheese today! Soooo hard! I LOVE CHEESE. Reminds me of a movie trailer I saw years ago for a movie I don't recall --
(Man): "What's life without cheese?"
(Doctor): "Longer."
Anyway, last night I felt so sick, and then I had such a massive headache. Makes me think I really need to be careful on this maintenance period.
M-day 1
Weight: 152.0
Overnight: +0.2
LIW: 153.0
Difference: -1.0
B: Mark's cheesy eggs (2)
L: sauce, cheese & toppings off 2 sm. slices of pizza; apple
D: 1 more sm. "slice" of pizza; cheese & broccoli soup
Eater's Remorse!
Okay, so I probably over-did it. All right. I really over-did it. I probably should not have consumed so much cheese... all day long. I couldn't help myself! But I did regret it. I felt awful - physically. My stomach really ached. Plus I found myself RUNNING to the bathroom half the day. Not cool. Just goes to show I do not have this eating thing in check, emotionally. Lots of work to do.
Overnight: +0.2
LIW: 153.0
Difference: -1.0
B: Mark's cheesy eggs (2)
L: sauce, cheese & toppings off 2 sm. slices of pizza; apple
D: 1 more sm. "slice" of pizza; cheese & broccoli soup
Eater's Remorse!
Okay, so I probably over-did it. All right. I really over-did it. I probably should not have consumed so much cheese... all day long. I couldn't help myself! But I did regret it. I felt awful - physically. My stomach really ached. Plus I found myself RUNNING to the bathroom half the day. Not cool. Just goes to show I do not have this eating thing in check, emotionally. Lots of work to do.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Day 41
Weight: 151.8
Overnight: +0.6
Overall: -27.2
B: none
L: strawberries, 1 slice turkey
D: apple, Heaven chicken
Disappointed that I went up. Oh well. I haven't been drinking as much water as I should be. Yesterday I drank a whole lot more, so I wonder if my "water weight" went up? Who knows. Right now I'm just so excited at the idea of eating dairy products! Cheese! I told Mark tonight that I was requesting an order of his cheesy eggs for breakfast tomorrow. Yay! Can't wait.
Oh, hold on. Last night I had some pudding (fat&sugar free); that was taboo. Maybe that's why I went up?
Overnight: +0.6
Overall: -27.2
B: none
L: strawberries, 1 slice turkey
D: apple, Heaven chicken
Disappointed that I went up. Oh well. I haven't been drinking as much water as I should be. Yesterday I drank a whole lot more, so I wonder if my "water weight" went up? Who knows. Right now I'm just so excited at the idea of eating dairy products! Cheese! I told Mark tonight that I was requesting an order of his cheesy eggs for breakfast tomorrow. Yay! Can't wait.
Oh, hold on. Last night I had some pudding (fat&sugar free); that was taboo. Maybe that's why I went up?
Friday, April 9, 2010
Day 40
Weight: 151.2
Overnight: -1.8
Overall: -27.8
B:
L:
D:
Yay! It worked - I went down!
Had another weigh/measure appt. today. Total inches lost is 42!! Holy cow. Finally actually feeling good about myself. Decided I will take a "maintenance" break. Turns out I don't have to break for 3 weeks - I can go shorter. And since I will still be in a 'metabolic state' I could possibly lose weight! And then I'll go right back to protocol w/o any binge days.
Yay - makes me feel a LOT better. I really didn't want to take the meds & syringes to Utah for the trip. On the plane could be a hassle, but more than that, I don't want to have to explain it to my family. They all know about our financial "situation." I already got ripped up and down from Mark; I don't need it from anyone else. Anyway, this way I can just tell them I'm on Atkins. That will work. And it makes me feel WAY better that I don't have to stop the weight loss entirely or delay it so long. So this is good.
I went to the ballet tonight and got all dressed up for it. First time in 3 years that I've felt attractive.
Overnight: -1.8
Overall: -27.8
B:
L:
D:
Yay! It worked - I went down!
Had another weigh/measure appt. today. Total inches lost is 42!! Holy cow. Finally actually feeling good about myself. Decided I will take a "maintenance" break. Turns out I don't have to break for 3 weeks - I can go shorter. And since I will still be in a 'metabolic state' I could possibly lose weight! And then I'll go right back to protocol w/o any binge days.
Yay - makes me feel a LOT better. I really didn't want to take the meds & syringes to Utah for the trip. On the plane could be a hassle, but more than that, I don't want to have to explain it to my family. They all know about our financial "situation." I already got ripped up and down from Mark; I don't need it from anyone else. Anyway, this way I can just tell them I'm on Atkins. That will work. And it makes me feel WAY better that I don't have to stop the weight loss entirely or delay it so long. So this is good.
I went to the ballet tonight and got all dressed up for it. First time in 3 years that I've felt attractive.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Day 39
Weight: 153.0
Overnight: 0.0
Overall: -26.0
B: none
L: apple
D: 3 slices turkey
Forgot to inject. Not sure if I should now that it's later. Just called. They said no. Might even give the loss a bit of a boost. That'd be great, considering I didn't go down at all today.
Overnight: 0.0
Overall: -26.0
B: none
L: apple
D: 3 slices turkey
Forgot to inject. Not sure if I should now that it's later. Just called. They said no. Might even give the loss a bit of a boost. That'd be great, considering I didn't go down at all today.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Day 38
Weight: 153.0
Overnight: -0.4
Overall: -26.0
B: none
L: apple, Heaven chicken w/ Wasa
D: Heaven chicken w/ Wasa
Well, I guess the >1lb trend couldn't last forever. At least the scale is still moving -- downward, that is. Last night I went grocery shopping which is always hard. But then I found the secret! There was a woman there that I kept going down the same aisles as she. And she happened to be pretty with an incredible figure. She was dressed business casual, not immodest. She wore very fitted pants and she looked awesome in them. Suddenly I wasn't craving sweets anymore! I want to wear fitted pants and look that awesome! And just like that, I was all the more dedicated to finding healthy food for my family. If only I could have that kind of inspiration every time I went to the store! But I'm fairly certain I'd give her the wrong idea or at least creep her out if I asked for her number or shopping schedule!
Overnight: -0.4
Overall: -26.0
B: none
L: apple, Heaven chicken w/ Wasa
D: Heaven chicken w/ Wasa
Well, I guess the >1lb trend couldn't last forever. At least the scale is still moving -- downward, that is. Last night I went grocery shopping which is always hard. But then I found the secret! There was a woman there that I kept going down the same aisles as she. And she happened to be pretty with an incredible figure. She was dressed business casual, not immodest. She wore very fitted pants and she looked awesome in them. Suddenly I wasn't craving sweets anymore! I want to wear fitted pants and look that awesome! And just like that, I was all the more dedicated to finding healthy food for my family. If only I could have that kind of inspiration every time I went to the store! But I'm fairly certain I'd give her the wrong idea or at least creep her out if I asked for her number or shopping schedule!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Photo Update
THEN & NOW
THEN & NOW:
Okay. I guess there is some improvement. : ) Sometimes you have to SEE it to believe it.
THEN & NOW:
Okay. I guess there is some improvement. : ) Sometimes you have to SEE it to believe it.
Day 37
Weight: 153.4
Overnight: -1.6
Overall: -25.6
B: apple
L: 3 slices turkey, apple, Wasa bread
D: 3 slices turkey, Wasa bread
Hooray! Now that's the kind of progress I'm talkin' about!! Shoot, if this were to keep up maybe I could handle staying on protocol for the 60 days. I must say, the idea of going off and then returning back on isn't all that appealing.
Still have no energy. Still sick. Although, I'm fairly hopeful that I've turned a corner. Today my voice sounds almost normal and my cough isn't so far down in my chest anymore. I really hope, anyway. I'm a couple days out from being sick for 3 straight weeks! Blah! It'd be really nice to not be sick while I travel.
Yesterday I bought my dress for the concert next week. I ordered a size XL, which was disappointing. I didn't want to gamble by going smaller; according to their charts I measure exactly size XL. And while I obviously hope to lose more, it'd be horrible if I didn't and the dress was too small. That would be bad. I guess the disappointment of it is that I've lost 25 lbs and I'm still roughly the same size. I mean, not really. But sorta. Things just actually fit now. I guess I really was carrying that much weight in my belly. No wonder people would ask if I was pregnant! How sad. How did that happen? I don't know. I hope it doesn't ever happen again.
Overnight: -1.6
Overall: -25.6
B: apple
L: 3 slices turkey, apple, Wasa bread
D: 3 slices turkey, Wasa bread
Hooray! Now that's the kind of progress I'm talkin' about!! Shoot, if this were to keep up maybe I could handle staying on protocol for the 60 days. I must say, the idea of going off and then returning back on isn't all that appealing.
Still have no energy. Still sick. Although, I'm fairly hopeful that I've turned a corner. Today my voice sounds almost normal and my cough isn't so far down in my chest anymore. I really hope, anyway. I'm a couple days out from being sick for 3 straight weeks! Blah! It'd be really nice to not be sick while I travel.
Yesterday I bought my dress for the concert next week. I ordered a size XL, which was disappointing. I didn't want to gamble by going smaller; according to their charts I measure exactly size XL. And while I obviously hope to lose more, it'd be horrible if I didn't and the dress was too small. That would be bad. I guess the disappointment of it is that I've lost 25 lbs and I'm still roughly the same size. I mean, not really. But sorta. Things just actually fit now. I guess I really was carrying that much weight in my belly. No wonder people would ask if I was pregnant! How sad. How did that happen? I don't know. I hope it doesn't ever happen again.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Day 36
Weight: 155.0
Overnight: -1.8
Overall: -24.0
B: apple
L: broccoli
D: "breaded" chicken, apple
Phew! It's a good thing I went down - and went down significantly! Otherwise I think I might have fallen to pieces and thrown in the towel. I'm fairly certain at this point I'm going to take a 3 week maintenance break. I just don't see how I can keep this up while in Utah. Maybe I could. I don't know. One thing is for sure, I'm not even close to my goal weight (120), and at this rate I just don't see how I could get there in another 25 days.
Overnight: -1.8
Overall: -24.0
B: apple
L: broccoli
D: "breaded" chicken, apple
Phew! It's a good thing I went down - and went down significantly! Otherwise I think I might have fallen to pieces and thrown in the towel. I'm fairly certain at this point I'm going to take a 3 week maintenance break. I just don't see how I can keep this up while in Utah. Maybe I could. I don't know. One thing is for sure, I'm not even close to my goal weight (120), and at this rate I just don't see how I could get there in another 25 days.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Day 35
Weight: 156.8
Overnight: +0.6
Overall: -22.2
B: apple
L: baked chicken
D: choc. Jell-O pudding (fat free/sugar free) w/ berries
Happy stinkin' birthday - here's another half pound for ya. Not fair. I'm not cheating. The only thing I can think of is the 2 tsp of cough syrup I take since, yes, I am still sick. So not fair.
Overnight: +0.6
Overall: -22.2
B: apple
L: baked chicken
D: choc. Jell-O pudding (fat free/sugar free) w/ berries
Happy stinkin' birthday - here's another half pound for ya. Not fair. I'm not cheating. The only thing I can think of is the 2 tsp of cough syrup I take since, yes, I am still sick. So not fair.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Day 34
Weight: 156.2
Overnight: +0.4
Overall: -22.8
B: none
L: chicken "breaded" w/ wasa bread, broccoli
S: apple
D: baked chicken in a salad w/ broccoli, tomatoes & wasa bread "croutons"
I feel fatter. And discouraged. And depressed. And I just want to eat myself numb. I hate this. I went shopping tonight. So hard. I noticed all the thin people who were walking around, not having to worry about not eating food. I also noticed all the fat people. All the extremely overweight people. Mostly women. I don't want to become that. So I stick with my chicken salad.
Tomorrow will be hard. I can't not give the kids Easter candy. And we're going to do colorful rice krispy treats. Mmmmm... well... for them anyway.
Overnight: +0.4
Overall: -22.8
B: none
L: chicken "breaded" w/ wasa bread, broccoli
S: apple
D: baked chicken in a salad w/ broccoli, tomatoes & wasa bread "croutons"
I feel fatter. And discouraged. And depressed. And I just want to eat myself numb. I hate this. I went shopping tonight. So hard. I noticed all the thin people who were walking around, not having to worry about not eating food. I also noticed all the fat people. All the extremely overweight people. Mostly women. I don't want to become that. So I stick with my chicken salad.
Tomorrow will be hard. I can't not give the kids Easter candy. And we're going to do colorful rice krispy treats. Mmmmm... well... for them anyway.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Heaven Chicken
OH. MY. GOODNESS.
Just had the YUMMIEST dish ever! Wow. Can't get over how yummy it was. Even better than the sugar cookies I cheated with!
I don't know the name of the recipe - I could look it up - but I'd rather just call it Heavenly!
So here it is, with my alterations:
100 g chicken breast/tender, cubed (not cooked)
2 Tbsp lemon juice
2 Tbsp minced onion
2 cloves minced garlic (I didn't have any; didn't put it in)
1/4 tsp oregano, garlic powder & onion powder
1/4 c. water
1 c. chopped tomatoes (I used 1/2 can diced tomatoes - Italian style - and pureed it)
3 fresh leaves basil (I didn't have fresh; just sprinkled dried)
salt, pepper & cayenne to taste (I didn't use any - didn't need it)
Brown chicken in lemon juice. I ended up spraying a couple spritzes of olive oil to make sure it wouldn't stick. Add onion, garlic, spices, & water.
Once chicken is all cooked, add tomatoes and basil.
Cook 10 mins longer.
S&P to taste.
It looked like a thick paste by the end. I ate it with a slice of Wasa bread - soooo yummy.
Definitely a keeper.
Just had the YUMMIEST dish ever! Wow. Can't get over how yummy it was. Even better than the sugar cookies I cheated with!
I don't know the name of the recipe - I could look it up - but I'd rather just call it Heavenly!
So here it is, with my alterations:
100 g chicken breast/tender, cubed (not cooked)
2 Tbsp lemon juice
2 Tbsp minced onion
2 cloves minced garlic (I didn't have any; didn't put it in)
1/4 tsp oregano, garlic powder & onion powder
1/4 c. water
1 c. chopped tomatoes (I used 1/2 can diced tomatoes - Italian style - and pureed it)
3 fresh leaves basil (I didn't have fresh; just sprinkled dried)
salt, pepper & cayenne to taste (I didn't use any - didn't need it)
Brown chicken in lemon juice. I ended up spraying a couple spritzes of olive oil to make sure it wouldn't stick. Add onion, garlic, spices, & water.
Once chicken is all cooked, add tomatoes and basil.
Cook 10 mins longer.
S&P to taste.
It looked like a thick paste by the end. I ate it with a slice of Wasa bread - soooo yummy.
Definitely a keeper.
Day 33
Weight: 155.8
Overnight: 0.0
Overall: -23.2
B: apple
L: melba toast
D: broccoli, HEAVEN CHICKEN, wasa bread
Not doing an injection today. I am just so frustrated. I realize I'm not eating my veggies like I used to. I better do better. I'm also seriously considering taking a maintenance break while I'm in Utah. I wonder if I have to do it for 3 weeks? I'd rather not. But I really don't think I'll be able to stay on protocol while I'm there. I'll ask at my next appt.
Overnight: 0.0
Overall: -23.2
B: apple
L: melba toast
D: broccoli, HEAVEN CHICKEN, wasa bread
Not doing an injection today. I am just so frustrated. I realize I'm not eating my veggies like I used to. I better do better. I'm also seriously considering taking a maintenance break while I'm in Utah. I wonder if I have to do it for 3 weeks? I'd rather not. But I really don't think I'll be able to stay on protocol while I'm there. I'll ask at my next appt.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Day 32
Weight: 155.8
Overnight: -0.6
Overall: -23.2
B: none
L: grilled sirloin, tomatoes
S: apple
D: grilled sirloin, green beans, apple
Had my weigh & measure appt. today. Good thing. I've been so discouraged. I must say, I'm truly surprised that I went down on the scale this morning after my cheat last night.
So my measure showed that I actually dropped 6 inches! Holy cow. Not expecting that. I'm still wearing my size 14 pants, although they are a bit baggy. Anyway, that was really good to hear. Very needed. My hope is rejuvenated. I'm still on the fence as to whether or not I'll take a maintenance break. We'll see.
Overnight: -0.6
Overall: -23.2
B: none
L: grilled sirloin, tomatoes
S: apple
D: grilled sirloin, green beans, apple
Had my weigh & measure appt. today. Good thing. I've been so discouraged. I must say, I'm truly surprised that I went down on the scale this morning after my cheat last night.
So my measure showed that I actually dropped 6 inches! Holy cow. Not expecting that. I'm still wearing my size 14 pants, although they are a bit baggy. Anyway, that was really good to hear. Very needed. My hope is rejuvenated. I'm still on the fence as to whether or not I'll take a maintenance break. We'll see.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Day 31
Weight: 156.4
Overnight: +0.2
Overall: -22.6
B:
L:
S: baked apple cinnamon
D: grilled sirloin
CHEAT - 2 frosted sugar cookies
Grrr.
There was no way around it. I knew I was going to cheat. I had already decided. Actually, my plan was to eat the whole plate - all 8. But I ended up giving the girls one each. Still, 6 was going to be "worth it." And yet, after 2 I was really ... done. It started tasting too sugary? too sweet? I'd had my fill. And while I was "prepared" for the mental anguish, I still didn't want it. So I promptly threw them up. Not my best moment. But now I've had my cheat, and now I know I don't want to do that again. Sorta. :)
Overnight: +0.2
Overall: -22.6
B:
L:
S: baked apple cinnamon
D: grilled sirloin
CHEAT - 2 frosted sugar cookies
Grrr.
There was no way around it. I knew I was going to cheat. I had already decided. Actually, my plan was to eat the whole plate - all 8. But I ended up giving the girls one each. Still, 6 was going to be "worth it." And yet, after 2 I was really ... done. It started tasting too sugary? too sweet? I'd had my fill. And while I was "prepared" for the mental anguish, I still didn't want it. So I promptly threw them up. Not my best moment. But now I've had my cheat, and now I know I don't want to do that again. Sorta. :)
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Day 30
Weight: 156.2
Overnight: -0.8
Overall: -22.8
B:
S: apple
L: grilled sirloin, tomatoes
D: scrambled eggs w/ salsa
So last night I cheated. Sorta. I'm sure the steak I ate was more than 100g and not fat-free. And I'm guessing the mango vinegrette had sugar. And in the salad I did eat the shredded carrots.
BUT
as cheating goes, I think that was as close to not cheating as it gets! And I still dropped. So that tells me a) it wasn't a horrible cheat, and b) I definitely am past my plateau. Hooray!!
Overnight: -0.8
Overall: -22.8
B:
S: apple
L: grilled sirloin, tomatoes
D: scrambled eggs w/ salsa
So last night I cheated. Sorta. I'm sure the steak I ate was more than 100g and not fat-free. And I'm guessing the mango vinegrette had sugar. And in the salad I did eat the shredded carrots.
BUT
as cheating goes, I think that was as close to not cheating as it gets! And I still dropped. So that tells me a) it wasn't a horrible cheat, and b) I definitely am past my plateau. Hooray!!
Monday, March 29, 2010
Day 29
Weight: 157.0
Overnight: -1.2
Overall: -22.0
B:
L: apple, melba toast
D: On The Border steak fajita salad (- guac, sour cream & cheese; + fat-free mango vinegrette)
End of a plateau? I hope so!
Last night I re-read Dr. Simmeon's "Pounds & Inches" -- particularly the section where he talks about plateaus. Made me feel a LOT better. He said the plateau usually lasts 4-6 days. Ok. Making more sense. Then when the scale was nice to me this morning I finally got my hope back. Maybe I can do this. I still want to talk to the BKi people about the program lasting longer than 40 days. Dr. Simmeons was adamantly against it because of a developed immunity. That would mean results wouldn't come. And I already know (from personal experience) that if I'm not getting results I don't do so well. So I guess we'll see. My 30 day appt is on Thursday I think? We'll see what they say then.
Overnight: -1.2
Overall: -22.0
B:
L: apple, melba toast
D: On The Border steak fajita salad (- guac, sour cream & cheese; + fat-free mango vinegrette)
End of a plateau? I hope so!
Last night I re-read Dr. Simmeon's "Pounds & Inches" -- particularly the section where he talks about plateaus. Made me feel a LOT better. He said the plateau usually lasts 4-6 days. Ok. Making more sense. Then when the scale was nice to me this morning I finally got my hope back. Maybe I can do this. I still want to talk to the BKi people about the program lasting longer than 40 days. Dr. Simmeons was adamantly against it because of a developed immunity. That would mean results wouldn't come. And I already know (from personal experience) that if I'm not getting results I don't do so well. So I guess we'll see. My 30 day appt is on Thursday I think? We'll see what they say then.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Day 28
Weight: 158.2
Overnight: -0.8
Overall: -20.8
B: apple
L: apple
S: tomatoes
D: broccoli, cauliflower
Read Step 1 from the 12-step Addiction Recovery program manual. Finally decided to be honest with myself that I have a problem and I can't resolve it on my own.
Leading up to that was so hard. It was so ... heavy? admitting that I have a problem. But once I did, I felt better. I feel better. Almost like it was a dark secret that has finally been exposed so now I can breathe easy.
I went with my friend to an OA (Over-eaters Anonymous) meeting tonight. It was good. It was better than good. It was comforting to be with others who had a problem, but had recognized, admitted and started working on the problem. The happiness they shared and the peace they expressed gave me hope. I'm still on the fence as to whether or not I want to join, but for sure I want to go back. One of the members tonight said he hadn't known how to nourish himself with food. That's me. I don't know how to use food properly. And I need to learn. Desperately.
I've been debating so much whether or not to finish out this program. After Marilyn decided to stop it made me seriously question my commitment. I'm not even half-way to where I want to be. My goal was to lose 60 lbs and I can't seem to make it past 20. I don't want to give up, but I'm having such a hard time continuing. I think, though, after attending the OA meeting tonight, I decided I need to give this program some more time. I need to give my best effort. I have faithfully stuck to it and not cheated. Now I need to stick it out and not give up.
I hope I can.
Overnight: -0.8
Overall: -20.8
B: apple
L: apple
S: tomatoes
D: broccoli, cauliflower
Read Step 1 from the 12-step Addiction Recovery program manual. Finally decided to be honest with myself that I have a problem and I can't resolve it on my own.
Leading up to that was so hard. It was so ... heavy? admitting that I have a problem. But once I did, I felt better. I feel better. Almost like it was a dark secret that has finally been exposed so now I can breathe easy.
I went with my friend to an OA (Over-eaters Anonymous) meeting tonight. It was good. It was better than good. It was comforting to be with others who had a problem, but had recognized, admitted and started working on the problem. The happiness they shared and the peace they expressed gave me hope. I'm still on the fence as to whether or not I want to join, but for sure I want to go back. One of the members tonight said he hadn't known how to nourish himself with food. That's me. I don't know how to use food properly. And I need to learn. Desperately.
I've been debating so much whether or not to finish out this program. After Marilyn decided to stop it made me seriously question my commitment. I'm not even half-way to where I want to be. My goal was to lose 60 lbs and I can't seem to make it past 20. I don't want to give up, but I'm having such a hard time continuing. I think, though, after attending the OA meeting tonight, I decided I need to give this program some more time. I need to give my best effort. I have faithfully stuck to it and not cheated. Now I need to stick it out and not give up.
I hope I can.
Day 27
Weight: 159.0
Overnight: 0.0
Overall: -20.0
B: apple
L: apple
D: grilled sirloin
Had a meltdown this morning. The weigh-in was so depressing I didn't even want to blog. Then I took my kids to an Easter egg hunt. I was nearly in tears. I wanted to steal all the kids' eggs, open them up and eat all the candy. Just shove it in. I looked at the other parents there, happily talking and NOT eating the candy. I wondered what was wrong with them? Then I realized it was a matter of what was wrong with ME? I can't believe the power food has over me. I hate that I use it -- rely on it -- for things other than nutrition.
I keep trying to do an "apple day" but I always manage to break down and eat something else. I'm too hungry. Yet, I don't eat all that I'm allowed. That just tells me how much I want the bad stuff and how little I want the good stuff. That's trouble.
Overnight: 0.0
Overall: -20.0
B: apple
L: apple
D: grilled sirloin
Had a meltdown this morning. The weigh-in was so depressing I didn't even want to blog. Then I took my kids to an Easter egg hunt. I was nearly in tears. I wanted to steal all the kids' eggs, open them up and eat all the candy. Just shove it in. I looked at the other parents there, happily talking and NOT eating the candy. I wondered what was wrong with them? Then I realized it was a matter of what was wrong with ME? I can't believe the power food has over me. I hate that I use it -- rely on it -- for things other than nutrition.
I keep trying to do an "apple day" but I always manage to break down and eat something else. I'm too hungry. Yet, I don't eat all that I'm allowed. That just tells me how much I want the bad stuff and how little I want the good stuff. That's trouble.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Day 26
Weight: 159.0
Overnight: 0.0
Overall: -20.0
B: apple
L: chili, melba toast
D:
This is just getting depressing. Is it because I'm sick? Is my body holding on to fat because it's ill? I don't know. I don't understand. And I don't like it. I'm really frustrated with feeling so ... restricted? deprived? I know it's for the best, and I've already seen great results -- I'm just really struggling to stick with it when the results aren't coming. AAAAHHHHHH!!!
Overnight: 0.0
Overall: -20.0
B: apple
L: chili, melba toast
D:
This is just getting depressing. Is it because I'm sick? Is my body holding on to fat because it's ill? I don't know. I don't understand. And I don't like it. I'm really frustrated with feeling so ... restricted? deprived? I know it's for the best, and I've already seen great results -- I'm just really struggling to stick with it when the results aren't coming. AAAAHHHHHH!!!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Day 25
Weight: 159.0
Overnight: +0.4
Overall: -20.0
B: apple
L: grilled chicken, broccoli
S: apple
D: scrambled eggs (egg beaters), salsa
I'm so depressed I don't think I can even comment.
Overnight: +0.4
Overall: -20.0
B: apple
L: grilled chicken, broccoli
S: apple
D: scrambled eggs (egg beaters), salsa
I'm so depressed I don't think I can even comment.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Day 24
Weight: 158.6
Overnight: -0.4
Overall: -20.4
B: apple
L: grilled chicken salad
S: apple
D: broccoli
Still sick. Still on my period. Still not losing much. Grr. I can't believe how impatient I'm getting. I'm seeing results, so now I want more - NOW! I have to keep reminding myself how it's a good thing I'm doing Weight Watchers or something else equally slow! : )
Overnight: -0.4
Overall: -20.4
B: apple
L: grilled chicken salad
S: apple
D: broccoli
Still sick. Still on my period. Still not losing much. Grr. I can't believe how impatient I'm getting. I'm seeing results, so now I want more - NOW! I have to keep reminding myself how it's a good thing I'm doing Weight Watchers or something else equally slow! : )
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Day 23
Weight: 159.0
Overnight: -0.6
Overall: -20.0
B: none
S: apple, melba toast
L: grilled chicken salad
D: apple, melba toast
Still on my period, but taking the injections again. I was told yesterday at my weigh/measure appt that I probably shouldn't have stopped. Oops. Oh well.
Still sick. Even worse than before. On the up side, I don't really have much of an appetite. The down side is that I can't eat my regular comfort "sick" food. Boo.
Lately I've been doing a countdown on the days I have until I go to Utah for the concert. I think it helps to see a concrete number of days left. It's also days I have left to lose before I get up there, so I don't mind that the number is fairly high. I still have a lot of weight to get off before I get there. I really want to look awesome. I really REALLY don't want to be the fatty next to all my twiggy sisters.
Overnight: -0.6
Overall: -20.0
B: none
S: apple, melba toast
L: grilled chicken salad
D: apple, melba toast
Still on my period, but taking the injections again. I was told yesterday at my weigh/measure appt that I probably shouldn't have stopped. Oops. Oh well.
Still sick. Even worse than before. On the up side, I don't really have much of an appetite. The down side is that I can't eat my regular comfort "sick" food. Boo.
Lately I've been doing a countdown on the days I have until I go to Utah for the concert. I think it helps to see a concrete number of days left. It's also days I have left to lose before I get up there, so I don't mind that the number is fairly high. I still have a lot of weight to get off before I get there. I really want to look awesome. I really REALLY don't want to be the fatty next to all my twiggy sisters.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Day 22
Weight: 159.6
Overnight: -1.0
Overall: -19.4
B: apple
L: grilled chicken salad
D: apple
**2nd day of period; didn't take injection
Discovered diet Dr. Pepper -- cherry vanilla. Oh yeah. My new love!
Went in for my 20 day weigh/measure. I'm down a total of 27.5 inches!! Woot! W00t! I mean, if you want to get all technical, I didn't lose quite as much the second 10 days as the first, but hey! I'll take it! And the important part to me is that I'm losing where I really need to lose -- in my belly. The worst (most dangerous) place to hold weight, and where most my overweight-ness is. Maybe that's why I haven't necessarily lost pant sizes. Well, not entirely true. I started out size 16, verging on size 18. Now I'm a comfortable size 14. Not amazing, but again, I'll take it!
Overnight: -1.0
Overall: -19.4
B: apple
L: grilled chicken salad
D: apple
**2nd day of period; didn't take injection
Discovered diet Dr. Pepper -- cherry vanilla. Oh yeah. My new love!
Went in for my 20 day weigh/measure. I'm down a total of 27.5 inches!! Woot! W00t! I mean, if you want to get all technical, I didn't lose quite as much the second 10 days as the first, but hey! I'll take it! And the important part to me is that I'm losing where I really need to lose -- in my belly. The worst (most dangerous) place to hold weight, and where most my overweight-ness is. Maybe that's why I haven't necessarily lost pant sizes. Well, not entirely true. I started out size 16, verging on size 18. Now I'm a comfortable size 14. Not amazing, but again, I'll take it!
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Day 21
Weight: 160.6
Overnight: -1.6
Overall: -18.4
B: none
L: none
D: none
**First day of period. Not taking an injection.
Miserable. The sore throat I got Thursday is all but killing me now. By the end of yesterday I had lost my voice more completely than I ever had before. The coughing didn't really start until nighttime and picked up considerably this morning. Hurts like the dickens! Didn't eat more than just an apple yesterday. Had my daily _____ and a Fresca last night. Helped when everyone else ate McDonald's -- in the car! Ah! Torture!
Last night I had a cough drop that surely was not protocol approved. I was desperate. We were at a play, and Mark said my breath was so bad he could barely stand it! That's embarrassing. Today I'm going to bread protocol again and make Tina's "Tinarita" magic sore throat cure. 2-3 Tbsp honey & cayenne + 1 c. lemon juice. Yummy.
Hope it's worth it.
Overnight: -1.6
Overall: -18.4
B: none
L: none
D: none
**First day of period. Not taking an injection.
Miserable. The sore throat I got Thursday is all but killing me now. By the end of yesterday I had lost my voice more completely than I ever had before. The coughing didn't really start until nighttime and picked up considerably this morning. Hurts like the dickens! Didn't eat more than just an apple yesterday. Had my daily _____ and a Fresca last night. Helped when everyone else ate McDonald's -- in the car! Ah! Torture!
Last night I had a cough drop that surely was not protocol approved. I was desperate. We were at a play, and Mark said my breath was so bad he could barely stand it! That's embarrassing. Today I'm going to bread protocol again and make Tina's "Tinarita" magic sore throat cure. 2-3 Tbsp honey & cayenne + 1 c. lemon juice. Yummy.
Hope it's worth it.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Tempting?
I just got from a wedding I played for. They were serving the most delicious-smelling food imaginable. Of course it was offered. And of course the rest of the quartet happily accepted. And you know what? It really wasn't all that hard to pass up! I'm not sure why. The other 3 were amazed, but honestly, it was nothing compared to that pizza the other night. Maybe I am making some headway?
Day 20
Weight: 162.2
Overnight: -3.0
Overall: -17.8
B: none
L: none
S:
D:
Hooray! Not sure if it was my apple day or other factors in play, but I don't really care! Since today is crazy busy for me, maybe I'll do another apple day and see if I can get back on track.
Overnight: -3.0
Overall: -17.8
B: none
L: none
S:
D:
Hooray! Not sure if it was my apple day or other factors in play, but I don't really care! Since today is crazy busy for me, maybe I'll do another apple day and see if I can get back on track.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Thank You!
I just need to give a quick shout-out to all yall supporting me in this endeavor. It's hard. It's not fun. But it WILL be worth it. So THANK YOU!! Thank you for the encouraging messages. Thank you for the supportive emails. Thank you for having an interest in me enough to care about my success. THANK YOU!
Day 19
Weight: 165.2
Overnight: +2.0
Overall: -13.8
B: none
S: apple
L: apple
D: apple
I want to cry.
How did this happen? I have theories, but none of them make me feel any better. GAINED? And 2 pounds at that?! WAAAAaaaaaa!
Last night was horrible. I came closer to cheating than ever before. Seriously, I have never been so tempted by food in my life. Mark made pepperoni pizza dinner for himself and the girls, then left a couple pieces out after going to bed. H.O.L.Y.C.O.W.
I really thought I was going to fold. I even weighed each piece! Each was under 100g, and I hadn't had my 2nd meal yet... I read and re-read (and re-re-read) Marilyn's blog post about cheating trying to convince myself that it was bad. BUT, she talked about how there was life after cheating. So maybe it wasn't so bad? Right?
Finally I went to a recipe site Melinda emailed me. I found a yummy looking chili recipe and got cooking. The aroma was strong enough that it overpowered the pizza smell - thank heavens! And it was tasty enough that I enjoyed it, felt satisfied so then didn't feel tempted by the pizza anymore.
Good job, right? Way to go. Nice job overcoming temptation. Good girl. Hooray.
You'd think.
This morning, instead of being rewarded for my strong will-power I was PUNISHED!! I went up! UP! AHHH! And initially I went up even more than I have documented -- at first the scale said 165.6. Then somehow over the course of my shower I managed to lose 0.4 lbs for a final weigh-in of 165.2.
I want to cry. I feel so demoralized. I knew there could be plateaus, but no one said anything about gaining unless I cheated. And I didn't! I almost did, but I didn't! I came really, really close, but I didn't! I almost wish I had. Then I could make sense of it at least.
Today I'm going to try doing an apple day. I don't know how that will go. I usually get so hungry I don't know if I'll be able to do it. But I'll try. And if this doesn't work... well, I don't want to think about that just yet. In the meantime I'll just pray. Hard.
Overnight: +2.0
Overall: -13.8
B: none
S: apple
L: apple
D: apple
I want to cry.
How did this happen? I have theories, but none of them make me feel any better. GAINED? And 2 pounds at that?! WAAAAaaaaaa!
Last night was horrible. I came closer to cheating than ever before. Seriously, I have never been so tempted by food in my life. Mark made pepperoni pizza dinner for himself and the girls, then left a couple pieces out after going to bed. H.O.L.Y.C.O.W.
I really thought I was going to fold. I even weighed each piece! Each was under 100g, and I hadn't had my 2nd meal yet... I read and re-read (and re-re-read) Marilyn's blog post about cheating trying to convince myself that it was bad. BUT, she talked about how there was life after cheating. So maybe it wasn't so bad? Right?
Finally I went to a recipe site Melinda emailed me. I found a yummy looking chili recipe and got cooking. The aroma was strong enough that it overpowered the pizza smell - thank heavens! And it was tasty enough that I enjoyed it, felt satisfied so then didn't feel tempted by the pizza anymore.
Good job, right? Way to go. Nice job overcoming temptation. Good girl. Hooray.
You'd think.
This morning, instead of being rewarded for my strong will-power I was PUNISHED!! I went up! UP! AHHH! And initially I went up even more than I have documented -- at first the scale said 165.6. Then somehow over the course of my shower I managed to lose 0.4 lbs for a final weigh-in of 165.2.
I want to cry. I feel so demoralized. I knew there could be plateaus, but no one said anything about gaining unless I cheated. And I didn't! I almost did, but I didn't! I came really, really close, but I didn't! I almost wish I had. Then I could make sense of it at least.
Today I'm going to try doing an apple day. I don't know how that will go. I usually get so hungry I don't know if I'll be able to do it. But I'll try. And if this doesn't work... well, I don't want to think about that just yet. In the meantime I'll just pray. Hard.
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