Weight: 146.6
Overnight: +1.2
Overall: -32.4
B: none
S: almost 1/2 of 2 diff. apples (couldn't finish either - way too soft)
L: 3 slices turkey, Wasa, broccoli
D:
Huh???? How did...? Why would...? What tha...? WwwwwaaaaaaAAAAA!
Boo hoo!
Sob.
Sniff. Sniff.
And I was so close to being normal! ; )
Okay, so obviously I'm puzzled. Not sure why I would gain. And so much! Crazy. Skipping my injection today. Hopefully that will give me a boost. But aside from the disappointment, really I am confused. How on earth did that happen? I stayed up late last night, but I stay up late EVERY night. Didn't drink all my water, but then, I never do. I even started cleaning out my bedroom! I had prepared lunch meat last night - though, it's the 98% fat free, all-natural w/ supposedly no processing. And I've had it before without any negative results. Hmmm.
Baffled.
And disappointed. But now I really can't stop.
Interesting - last night I was sorting through clothes that have been piled on the floor of my bedroom for the last who-knows-how-long. Of course, they're in every size from 18 to 12. So I finally started sorting through the stuff I no longer wear. Wow, was that ever a different experience putting away clothes that are now too big instead of too small! That has never happened before! Anyway, I found that I can't quite put away all the clothes yet. Even though they're now too big, it's like I'm scared that I'm wrong. That I'm not really smaller. Or that I'll wake up and be big again.
Laura (at BKi) told me she had similar feelings. Even though she was down to size 4, she'd keep going to her size 14 clothes because she hadn't come to terms yet that she really was smaller.
I guess I'm just terrified that it will go away. Or that I think I'm smaller, but really I'm still fat. I know, I know, "fat" is so subjective. I guess I'm just realizing there's a whole lot more mental/emotional stuff going on than I had thought - or anticipated.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Ok:
ReplyDelete1-You said that you're doing the same thing you always do (stay up late, water, etc) but I wonder if your body is just getting used to it and so now you're going to have to kick it up a notch. That's my guess for the gain. That and are you close to starting your period? Are you retaining water?
2-So with you on the clothes thing. I have size 16 jeans that I still wear, even though I'm now a 12. I'm still a fat girl.
3- I know what you mean about being afraid. Especially since the whole reason you got to where you were was soley because of YOU (well, you know what I mean)so it up to YOU to prevent it from happening again. That's a scary thought sometimes- a lot of responsibility and pressure. But I know you and I know you have it in you. I know for SURE you do!