Day 2a

Weight: 150.8
Overnight: 0.0
Overall: -29.2

B: none
L: apple
D: grilled sirloin, pickles, Wasa, apple


Went to a PTA meeting today. First one since February. Everyone's jaws dropped & of course I was asked what on earth I had been doing! HOORAY! It felt so awesome. Everyone noticed. Somehow it makes it feel more real, because honestly, I don't feel like I look that different. Even though I know I do. I just still feel like "fat me." Probably because I still am. But I finally have hope that it can change.

Okay I cracked

Blast!
So hard going back on protocol! I ate the last of the Sweet Freedom fudge bars I was able to have on maintenance (no sugar, but has dairy).
Waiting until 9pm to eat was not smart. By then I was starving. I'm just too lazy. I hate thawing meat, weighing it, cooking it, and THEN eating it. And then cleaning up all the mess of having raw meat. Blast being lazy.

Day 1a

Weight: 150.8
Overnight: N/A
Overall: -29.2

B: none
L: apple
D: heaven chicken w/ Wasa, SweetFreedom fudge bar*
*not protocol approved


Started back on the injections today. Partly I was afraid I wouldn't go back on protocol if I waited any longer. Partly I just want to get this over and done with!
Feeling a little of the hunger. Doesn't help that I haven't eaten yet. Not excited to be back on such a limited diet, but after seeing Tessy yesterday who had dropped from size 24 to size 2, well, I am determined to at least get out of the double-digits.

M-days 4-8

Weight Range: 151.8 - 154.0
LIW: 153.0


Okay, obviously I didn't keep things up while on my trip, so I'll just quickly summarize:
I took my scale and faithfully weighed in every morning. Mostly I stayed between 152.2 - 152.8. One day I was horrified when it got up to 154.0, but then it went back down AND I had started my period. So I stopped stressing. Which was good, because the concert was stressful enough! But it all went fabulously, the trip was WONDERFUL, and I was sooooo glad that I was on maintenance and not protocol!
As for the eating, I ate probably way too much cheese (not low-fat either), not near enough water, sugar that I had not intended, and CHOCOLATE! (Fat free, sugar free and 5X the recommended amount of anti-oxidants. And yummy! Yes, it is miracle chocolate - but that is for another time/blog.)
Anyway,
it was still really hard. I love my carbs and sweets. Had a really hard time staying away from them. Had a really hard time not over-eating. I'm not sure how much of that was due to being on my period and how much is that I still just really like to eat. But I was at least aware of when I had eaten til I was satisfied, and then when I kept eating I did feel sick. At least I was aware. Still have a long, long ways to go.

M-day 3

Weight: 152.8
Overnight: +1.6
LIW: 153.0
Difference: -0.2

B: olives; pudding
L: parmesan chicken
D:


What tha?! Grr. I don't get this at all. I totally backed off on the cheese yesterday, and I went up almost 2 lbs? ??? Then again, in all fairness, yesterday morning when I weighed in I was actually at 152.2. Not happy. Then I took a shower and somehow, "magically," I dropped down to 151.2 -- sooooo, who knows? Plus my "morning" times tend to be all over the board. I never get up at the same time, and almost always go to bed super late. Maybe that's something I should work to fix?

M-day 2

Weight: 151.2
Overnight: -0.8
LIW: 153.0
Difference: -1.8

B: egg beaters w/ salsa, a little cheese
L: stick of string cheese; fat/sugar free pudding;
D: olives; Crystal Light; hotdog w/ ketchup


Must ease up on the cheese today! Soooo hard! I LOVE CHEESE. Reminds me of a movie trailer I saw years ago for a movie I don't recall --
(Man): "What's life without cheese?"
(Doctor): "Longer."
Anyway, last night I felt so sick, and then I had such a massive headache. Makes me think I really need to be careful on this maintenance period.

M-day 1

Weight: 152.0
Overnight: +0.2
LIW: 153.0
Difference: -1.0

B: Mark's cheesy eggs (2)
L: sauce, cheese & toppings off 2 sm. slices of pizza; apple
D: 1 more sm. "slice" of pizza; cheese & broccoli soup


Eater's Remorse!
Okay, so I probably over-did it. All right. I really over-did it. I probably should not have consumed so much cheese... all day long. I couldn't help myself! But I did regret it. I felt awful - physically. My stomach really ached. Plus I found myself RUNNING to the bathroom half the day. Not cool. Just goes to show I do not have this eating thing in check, emotionally. Lots of work to do.

Dress for the concert

Add some Spanx & control tops and I'm good to go!

Day 41

Weight: 151.8
Overnight: +0.6
Overall: -27.2

B: none
L: strawberries, 1 slice turkey
D: apple, Heaven chicken


Disappointed that I went up. Oh well. I haven't been drinking as much water as I should be. Yesterday I drank a whole lot more, so I wonder if my "water weight" went up? Who knows. Right now I'm just so excited at the idea of eating dairy products! Cheese! I told Mark tonight that I was requesting an order of his cheesy eggs for breakfast tomorrow. Yay! Can't wait.
Oh, hold on. Last night I had some pudding (fat&sugar free); that was taboo. Maybe that's why I went up?

Day 40

Weight: 151.2
Overnight: -1.8
Overall: -27.8

B:
L:
D:


Yay! It worked - I went down!
Had another weigh/measure appt. today. Total inches lost is 42!! Holy cow. Finally actually feeling good about myself. Decided I will take a "maintenance" break. Turns out I don't have to break for 3 weeks - I can go shorter. And since I will still be in a 'metabolic state' I could possibly lose weight! And then I'll go right back to protocol w/o any binge days.
Yay - makes me feel a LOT better. I really didn't want to take the meds & syringes to Utah for the trip. On the plane could be a hassle, but more than that, I don't want to have to explain it to my family. They all know about our financial "situation." I already got ripped up and down from Mark; I don't need it from anyone else. Anyway, this way I can just tell them I'm on Atkins. That will work. And it makes me feel WAY better that I don't have to stop the weight loss entirely or delay it so long. So this is good.


I went to the ballet tonight and got all dressed up for it. First time in 3 years that I've felt attractive.

Day 39

Weight: 153.0
Overnight: 0.0
Overall: -26.0

B: none
L: apple
D: 3 slices turkey


Forgot to inject. Not sure if I should now that it's later. Just called. They said no. Might even give the loss a bit of a boost. That'd be great, considering I didn't go down at all today.

Day 38

Weight: 153.0
Overnight: -0.4
Overall: -26.0

B: none
L: apple, Heaven chicken w/ Wasa
D: Heaven chicken w/ Wasa


Well, I guess the >1lb trend couldn't last forever. At least the scale is still moving -- downward, that is. Last night I went grocery shopping which is always hard. But then I found the secret! There was a woman there that I kept going down the same aisles as she. And she happened to be pretty with an incredible figure. She was dressed business casual, not immodest. She wore very fitted pants and she looked awesome in them. Suddenly I wasn't craving sweets anymore! I want to wear fitted pants and look that awesome! And just like that, I was all the more dedicated to finding healthy food for my family. If only I could have that kind of inspiration every time I went to the store! But I'm fairly certain I'd give her the wrong idea or at least creep her out if I asked for her number or shopping schedule!

Photo Update

THEN & NOW



THEN & NOW:



Okay. I guess there is some improvement. : ) Sometimes you have to SEE it to believe it.

Day 37

Weight: 153.4
Overnight: -1.6
Overall: -25.6

B: apple
L: 3 slices turkey, apple, Wasa bread
D: 3 slices turkey, Wasa bread


Hooray! Now that's the kind of progress I'm talkin' about!! Shoot, if this were to keep up maybe I could handle staying on protocol for the 60 days. I must say, the idea of going off and then returning back on isn't all that appealing.
Still have no energy. Still sick. Although, I'm fairly hopeful that I've turned a corner. Today my voice sounds almost normal and my cough isn't so far down in my chest anymore. I really hope, anyway. I'm a couple days out from being sick for 3 straight weeks! Blah! It'd be really nice to not be sick while I travel.
Yesterday I bought my dress for the concert next week. I ordered a size XL, which was disappointing. I didn't want to gamble by going smaller; according to their charts I measure exactly size XL. And while I obviously hope to lose more, it'd be horrible if I didn't and the dress was too small. That would be bad. I guess the disappointment of it is that I've lost 25 lbs and I'm still roughly the same size. I mean, not really. But sorta. Things just actually fit now. I guess I really was carrying that much weight in my belly. No wonder people would ask if I was pregnant! How sad. How did that happen? I don't know. I hope it doesn't ever happen again.

Day 36

Weight: 155.0
Overnight: -1.8
Overall: -24.0

B: apple
L: broccoli
D: "breaded" chicken, apple


Phew! It's a good thing I went down - and went down significantly! Otherwise I think I might have fallen to pieces and thrown in the towel. I'm fairly certain at this point I'm going to take a 3 week maintenance break. I just don't see how I can keep this up while in Utah. Maybe I could. I don't know. One thing is for sure, I'm not even close to my goal weight (120), and at this rate I just don't see how I could get there in another 25 days.

Day 35

Weight: 156.8
Overnight: +0.6
Overall: -22.2

B: apple
L: baked chicken
D: choc. Jell-O pudding (fat free/sugar free) w/ berries


Happy stinkin' birthday - here's another half pound for ya. Not fair. I'm not cheating. The only thing I can think of is the 2 tsp of cough syrup I take since, yes, I am still sick. So not fair.

Day 34

Weight: 156.2
Overnight: +0.4
Overall: -22.8

B: none
L: chicken "breaded" w/ wasa bread, broccoli
S: apple
D: baked chicken in a salad w/ broccoli, tomatoes & wasa bread "croutons"


I feel fatter. And discouraged. And depressed. And I just want to eat myself numb. I hate this. I went shopping tonight. So hard. I noticed all the thin people who were walking around, not having to worry about not eating food. I also noticed all the fat people. All the extremely overweight people. Mostly women. I don't want to become that. So I stick with my chicken salad.
Tomorrow will be hard. I can't not give the kids Easter candy. And we're going to do colorful rice krispy treats. Mmmmm... well... for them anyway.

Heaven Chicken

OH. MY. GOODNESS.
Just had the YUMMIEST dish ever! Wow. Can't get over how yummy it was. Even better than the sugar cookies I cheated with!
I don't know the name of the recipe - I could look it up - but I'd rather just call it Heavenly!
So here it is, with my alterations:

100 g chicken breast/tender, cubed (not cooked)
2 Tbsp lemon juice
2 Tbsp minced onion
2 cloves minced garlic (I didn't have any; didn't put it in)
1/4 tsp oregano, garlic powder & onion powder
1/4 c. water
1 c. chopped tomatoes (I used 1/2 can diced tomatoes - Italian style - and pureed it)
3 fresh leaves basil (I didn't have fresh; just sprinkled dried)
salt, pepper & cayenne to taste (I didn't use any - didn't need it)

Brown chicken in lemon juice. I ended up spraying a couple spritzes of olive oil to make sure it wouldn't stick. Add onion, garlic, spices, & water.
Once chicken is all cooked, add tomatoes and basil.
Cook 10 mins longer.
S&P to taste.

It looked like a thick paste by the end. I ate it with a slice of Wasa bread - soooo yummy.
Definitely a keeper.

Day 33

Weight: 155.8
Overnight: 0.0
Overall: -23.2

B: apple
L: melba toast
D: broccoli, HEAVEN CHICKEN, wasa bread


Not doing an injection today. I am just so frustrated. I realize I'm not eating my veggies like I used to. I better do better. I'm also seriously considering taking a maintenance break while I'm in Utah. I wonder if I have to do it for 3 weeks? I'd rather not. But I really don't think I'll be able to stay on protocol while I'm there. I'll ask at my next appt.

Day 32

Weight: 155.8
Overnight: -0.6
Overall: -23.2

B: none
L: grilled sirloin, tomatoes
S: apple
D: grilled sirloin, green beans, apple


Had my weigh & measure appt. today. Good thing. I've been so discouraged. I must say, I'm truly surprised that I went down on the scale this morning after my cheat last night.
So my measure showed that I actually dropped 6 inches! Holy cow. Not expecting that. I'm still wearing my size 14 pants, although they are a bit baggy. Anyway, that was really good to hear. Very needed. My hope is rejuvenated. I'm still on the fence as to whether or not I'll take a maintenance break. We'll see.